A song...

http://open.spotify.com/track/7p7lNE4QGhtR3p4DokE0qP

Here are the lyrics to the song linked above. Megan found this song and showed it me. Her father doesn't have a drinking problem, but he does have an anger management problem and she has decided to quit seeing him. I will support her decision, because quite frankly, I'm tired of trying to repair her self esteem after he's torn her down! I don't know if he will fight her decision, but if he does, I will be behind her & will help her fight. No little girl should have to feel like this!

For The Love Of A Daughter lyrics

Four years old with my back to the door
All I could hear was the family war
You're selfish hands always expecting more
Am I your child or just a charity ward

You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it's hopeless
Hopeless
You're hopeless

Oh father
Please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
Oh

It's been five years
Since we've spoken last
And you can't take back
What we never had

Oh, I can be manipulated
Only so many times
Before even I love you
Starts to sound like a lie

You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest

I try so hard to fight it
But it's
hopeless
Hopeless
You're hopeless

Oh father
Please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter

Don't you remember
I'm your baby girl
How could you push me out of your world
Lie to your flesh and your blood
Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved

Don't you remember
I'm your baby girl
How could you throw me right out of your world
So young when the pain had begun
Now forever afraid of being loved
Oh father
Please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
For the love of a daughter


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Pouty and Insubordinate

Hi...my name is Jessica...I am losing my mind... 


You see, I am quite possibly the worst patient in the world! I am supposed to be relaxing and babying my leg...but...   


THAT IS REALLY HARD... 


I can't drive. I can't clean. I can barely get dressed on my own. 


I just watched Jasen take all of my heels out of my closet and put them away...I don't even wear heels that much, but I died a little inside. 


On top of being completely bored & miserable, plant season has started & Jasen is working 6 days a week. Sniffle...So not only am I stuck home...I'm stuck home alone... excuse me while I pout... 


Sigh... Ok...I'll quit being melodramatic now... 

What was that?

What was that? Oh yes, I remember now... another resolution totally busted before I could even start! :( 


I vowed before new years that I would begin my year in the gym and I would spend the next year focusing on not being a fatty  anymore. And then this happened... 

'This' was an 'incident' while ice skating! :( Saw my family dr yesterday and he thinks it will need surgery and I have a 6-8 wks ahead of me being a gimp. :( 


Anyone else noticing the over abundance of sad faces in this post? Yeah, that would be because I am sooooo nottttt happpyyyy about this! :( Not just because being an invalid sucks arse, but because I had finally gotten to the place in my mind that I was going to focus and lose weight the healthy way & look what happens! :( Not that I can't change my way of eating or try to lose weight through diet alone, but this isn't just about the weight... this is about wanting to be healthy and fit. 


Sigh... 


Edit: Can I just say that morning TV is totally depressing??? Dr. Oz has me convinced I'm going to die if I don't eat a certain diet and blah, blah, blah. 

Coming home...

This blog might be all over the place, as I'm a little loopy from Vicodin, & I have a lot on my mind.

We've been gone from the grand ole city of Abilene for about 3 weeks and it's been amazing! The girls have gotten along better than ever~~they've been helpful around the house, they've been kind to each other, they have basically been no trouble at all & a pleasure to be around! They've tried new things & had new adventures & I'm sooo proud of them!! I do have to question why things have been so different??!!?! Oh wait...I know...they've been mine & mine alone for 3 weeks. Funny how lack of contact with their dad makes them so much calmer!! My girls are amazing & they are turning into beautiful young ladies...


And I just wish I could protect them from all that he is...sigh...


As for the Vicodin loopiness, that would be from an incident I had during one of our many adventures...


Don't you like my new immobilizer?! Won't really know what's wrong until we get home & see our own dr, as the ER was rather incompetent here! :(

Anywho...guess I should get to the real point of this post... I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME!! I mean really don't want to!! I've sat in this chair all afternoon thinking of ways to stay here! I know it's not physically possible~~we have to go home, but I don't want to! I don't want to go home to the drama of the ex, to the religious persecution of the city, or to the judgementalness of my own family! I want to stay here where I have an amazing mother-in-law that loves my girls & I. I want to stay here where the girls are so much more relaxed & theres a freedom to be whoever we want to be! Sigh...guess I'll quit whining & start packing! But...I DON'T WANNA!!


--Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone