I haven't died...

Just a quick note to let you know I am still alive. Life is crazy right now with teaching, classes, and my kiddos... not to mention marriage counseling. I will admit, though, that it has been hard to know what to blog... I mean, half of my homework (from the counselor) has come with specific instructions about not asking for help... so I couldn't really post that!

Anywho... we bought a new to me vehicle today. Robert decided the camaro wasn't such a good family vehicle and went on a search. He finally settled on a trailblazer. I think he was getting irritated with me... he would suggest a vehicle and I would ask if it had a good sound system and cup holders. You know, a girl has to have priorities. ha ha... Anyway, the trailblazer has both... and it was the right price. You know how that goes!

Did anyone dress up today for halloween? I wore a halo... you know, to show what an angel I was... but everyone has smirked when they see me... what's that about?

--jessica

Another Day...

Another day... I've made it another day. A single day hasn't passed without tears since last Thursday... but I'm pluggin' along.

Although, I won't go into all the details of our screw ups... I have come to realize some TRUTHS about life and the most important one is that without God this marrige isn't going to happen. God is the only one who can repair the hurt that we have done to each other. Neither of us is innocent... we have both done things to the other... and God is the only one who can take that pain away.

So... here's to more prayin' that God will take this hurt and pain away... that God will clog my tear ducts... or better yet, I won't have a need to cry.

--jessica

The Morning After...

3 days... that is how long I have spent crying... 3 freakin' days. My eyes are swollen, my head hurts, and I can't keep my nose from running.

We went to see our preacher today and he had some great words of wisdom for us. He suggested that many of our problems started at the very beginning... and until we forgive each other for the things that happened back in 1994 we won't be able to move on. As much as I would like to shout a great big "whatever" to that idea... I think he is probably right. We have done things both purposely and accidentally to hurt each other. There is no trust in our marriage... and we have both let in crap that didn't need to be there. Basically, we have a lot farther to go then either of us ever guessed.

Our homework for the week is to read Psalms 51 to each other, out loud, every day. At some level that is soooo much better than the staring at each other bit the last counselor gave us as homework... but then again, we read it in preacher man's office and barely got through it because we were all teary.

So... that pretty much catches you up on things... at least to a certain level. I have gathered the women around me that Sarah suggested... but don't think you are off the hook if I haven't called you yet... I'm working on it still... there is still so much ground to cover I might need a rather large group of people praying for me. Thanks for your support and your prayers... they are much needed and appreciated... jessica

Where did I go?

Ok... I really haven't died or dropped off the face of the earth, but let me tell you how much I wish that were the case. There has been a lot going on... and I can't go into it in detail... but please keep me and my marriage in your prayers. I have found out some stuff I didn't know... that I don't like... and that I don't know what to do with... Let me just tell you how much Satan can attack when you feel like you've got it together. I just don't get it... why can't he leave me alone? Why can't the crap I've gone through in my life thus far be enough? One of my friends reminded me that God can use those struggles/trials/crap in our lives to reach out to someone else...but can I just say that I really do have enough "experiences" now with which to draw on... I mean, I was molested, physically abused, adopted, had my adopted dad kill himself all before the age of 7... then I managed to screw things up on my own plenty... I slept around and drank way too much in high school, I got married at 19, I had babies when I shouldn't have, etc. etc. etc. I could go on all day about the crap in my life that I could use to help others with. I can promise you that I do not have the stamina or strength to deal with what is going on right now... Anyway... just be in prayer... jess

I'm feelin' old...

So, is anyone watching Dancing with the Stars? My kids and I love it! Good family TV. Anyway, Mario Lopez... you know, the guy from Saved by the Bell, is one of the dancers. Yeah, and um tonight they celbrated his 21st birthday on the show. What?! Was he like 12 when I drooled over him on Saturday mornings? Anyway, I'm feeling a bit old right now... how 'bout you?

--jessica

Columbus Day

So... is there any reason that we celebrate Columbus Day? Didn't the powers that be decide that Columbus didn't discover America? If that is the case, then why do we celbrate... I mean, doesn't that make him just another explorer... shouldn't we have Lewis & Clark day then? So... I know some of ya'll are teachers... what gives?

--jessica

Our trip!

Can I just say how great it is to go on a trip without the kids? Oh my goodness... we had a blast! We ended up going to the comedy club I mentioned before... it was an improv club... and it was hilarious. Saturday we did a bit of shopping and then we headed back downtown. We ran into some friends that we hadn't seen in years... and they had extra tickets to go see Wynonna Judd at the Ft. Worth Symphony. So... we went... and it was awesome. I'm not big on orchestras, but Wynonna's got some pipes on her! After the symphony, we went to Pete's dueling Piano Bar! It was loud and smokey and they played songs from every genre and it was AWESOME! My kind of place. They even played Baby Got Back... on the piano! ha ha... Robert enjoyed it too... and only complained about being left deaf a couple of times... which is an improvement for him! ha ha

Anyway, we enjoyed each other and I think it was a great move for our marriage! I would have to say that I was a bit irritated when we walked into the hotel room and realized that the sheets and comforter were white--so much for the glow in the dark glitter paint! Ha ha....

--jessica

Weekend was great... stomach bug I've had today... not so great! EWWWWWWWW!!!!!