Saturday, October 14, 2006

Where did I go?

Ok... I really haven't died or dropped off the face of the earth, but let me tell you how much I wish that were the case. There has been a lot going on... and I can't go into it in detail... but please keep me and my marriage in your prayers. I have found out some stuff I didn't know... that I don't like... and that I don't know what to do with... Let me just tell you how much Satan can attack when you feel like you've got it together. I just don't get it... why can't he leave me alone? Why can't the crap I've gone through in my life thus far be enough? One of my friends reminded me that God can use those struggles/trials/crap in our lives to reach out to someone else...but can I just say that I really do have enough "experiences" now with which to draw on... I mean, I was molested, physically abused, adopted, had my adopted dad kill himself all before the age of 7... then I managed to screw things up on my own plenty... I slept around and drank way too much in high school, I got married at 19, I had babies when I shouldn't have, etc. etc. etc. I could go on all day about the crap in my life that I could use to help others with. I can promise you that I do not have the stamina or strength to deal with what is going on right now... Anyway... just be in prayer... jess

4 comments:

Sarah said...

One thing I've learned about Satan is that as the very nature of evil, he doesn't operate the way you and I would. If my aim is to knock you flat on your back, once you're down, I'm satisfied. Satan's aim is to knock you flat on your back so that he can proceed to kick and maim you.

Once you know, like you do, that you can't do it alone, please physically gather prayer warriors around you to stand in the gap. We are all "virtually" here via the blog or computer, but you need physical beings to say to you, "I'm not giving up on your marriage, so you can't either." Choose carefully godly women who will lift you up in prayer and cover your family. Find women at church or ME or someone. Gather women around you.

We've talked about it before -- I've been where you are to some degree, and it's the smartest thing I did at that point.

Looney Mom said...

Jess, I'm so sorry. You know a bit of my history with my marriage and all the trials and times it could have been over. Just hang in there, keep praying, use this time to get close to God (though I know you'll be tempted to pull away - but that is EXACTLY what satan wants and will use to hurt you more) and pray for your husband (though you may not feel like doing that either). Trust me; I know how difficult this can be. Praying for you.

Roxanne said...

Jessica,

I am so sorry for whatever is going on. I am praying for you.

Roxanne

Rebecca said...

Ouch. I'm so sorry you're going through more painful times. We've been to the brink of divorce and back, too, and we'll definitely be praying.