Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Selfishness

The girls told me this morning that moving was only for Jasen & I and not for them. They also said that they hated it here & are only here to be with me.

Yay. They wanted to be with me. I've ruined their lives, but they are here, because they need to be with me.

I've never really done anything completely for me, since they've been born. I stayed married to their dad for them. (You know, the whole stay married for your children thing.) I divorced their dad for them & me. (You know, protect your children from the abusive, toxic house they live in thing.) I stayed in the town I hated for them too.

Yes, this move is about me continuing my education. (How selfish of me.) But this move is also about a lot more. It's about showing my kids that there is life outside of conservative hell. It's about showing them a place where being a feminist is ok. It's about showing them a place where people can be whoever they are without judgement & discrimination.

They don't see any of that yet. I hope they do at some point.

For now, I'll just sit here and cry because I've ruined my children's lives, because I'm selfish.


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1 comment:

Sherrie Frierson said...

should have moved to Austin/ Liberal,TX lol soon enough they'll make new friends and forget about their life back in Abilene. It's very easy to do ;)