What does it mean?

I've been having some of the weirdest dreams lately... but last night tops them all. I dreamed that I went to Sonic to get dinner for the family. I ordered a footlong chili cheese dog combo for myself, but when I tore it open to eat (you know, they come in those foil bags)... there was only like a 1/4 of the chili dog there. In my dream I was completely confused... and the alarm clock went off before I could figure it all out. Any dream analyzers out there? I mean, my friends from work and I theorized what it could mean... everything from I was in the mood to eat sonic... to maybe I should cut my portions in 1/4 to lose weight... there were a few others that had some creativity to them... but aren't so appropriate to post on a blog. :)

This is as good as it gets for a post today... I do my presentation for the faculty tomorrow... yippee (said with much sarcasm!). Wish me luck!

Oh and for those with bloglines... I updated my blog to google and because I have two I think things got crossed... so check your urls, please...

jessica

P.S. Spell check is smoking crack again... sorry...

I missed my workout for this?

Ok... so I have stressed out completely over this presentation I am doing on Wednesday. I have stayed up late and gotten up early... which means I've lots sleep. I have skipped my workout with Holly (sorry, holly!). I skipped church yesterday and spent an entire Sunday in my office. And guess what?! When I went to the meeting today the other presenters had no freaking clue what they were doing... and half of what I had been told I needed by my boss... wasn't exactly what I had needed. I have put more hours into this presentation than I think I ever did for any of my classes.... and I so could've gotten away with about half of the effort... and none of the stress! It's times like this that I wonder why it is they are cutting the COMMUNICATION department from the university....

Anyway, all that said, I can officially say I am over the hump. All that I have left is to create some worksheets, which can be done in front of the TV tonight. So... here's to completing the largest project I've ever done... and getting the nerve to actually present it Wednesday~!

The Pressure is On....

I am an Instructor of Communication Studies at McM University... sounds so official, huh? Maybe it is a lack of confidence or something else, but I hear it come out of my mouth or see it in written form and think "really? I feel like such a fraud... how in the world did I make it here." Anyway, I have to do a presentation on Small Group Communication... in front of the entire faculty (or at least the ones that show up!). The presentation is slated to go for about an hour and a half... and I am completely stressing out. I am supposed to show what I have to the chair of my department (my boss) tomorrow... and guess what.... in true Jessica fashion... I haven't even begun. I mean, it is only 2 pm... I technically have 8 hrs before I go to bed.... that should be long enough to get it done right? Part of my procrastination is due to the fact that although I do not normally have communication apprehension... I am filled with it right now. I am one of the youngest faculty and one of the 9 new faculty for the year... what in the world are they doing asking me to present in front of all those professionals? OK... I should quit procrastinating... I should get started.... really... I should... get off the compt... really... ok... ok... I'm going...

--jessica

Update: 9:10pm... still haven't started my presentation...

Happy New Year

Just wanted to stop in and tell everyone Happy New Year! I would post my resolutions... that is if I made them. I'm not big on making resolutions... because I rarely keep them... and then I just feel like a failure. Instead I will post some pics from our evening out! We started our evening with dropping my children off at my mom's house... then we headed out to party with my friend Rachael's parents... then off to Buffalo Wild Wings... then to Guitar's and Cadillac's... then to Whataburger... home about 3am. It all sounds so rebellious, but it really was a good time without much trouble... unless you count the men at Whataburger who almost got into a fight!

We got to Guitar's to go dancing about 10:30pm... this is our first pic of the evening! Not sure who the guy is, he just kind-of decided he needed to be in our picture! Come to think of it... he and Rachael look awfully cute standing beside one another... hmmm....


This is my friend Shane. I haven't seen him in months. He was my prom date in high school... then he was my hairdresser... if you get my drift. I love him to death... and it doesn't hurt that the boy has some skills when it comes to dancing... he can twirl me all over that dance floor! He has a 10 yr old son that Kali (my youngest) has decided she is going to marry... Wouldn't that make for one interesting family...


This is my friend Jana... we were best buds from about 6th -10th grade... then I turned into a not so nice person and our friendship went away. A few years ago we reconnected and I live vicariously through her. She is a traveling nurse... she has gotten to live in Boston, Baltimore, Oakland, and Denver this year... and has gone on vacation to Costa Rica & Vegas! I'm a little green right now...
Pretty sure my grandmother would croak over this picture... her favorite grandchildren in a den of evil! In the blue is my husband and in the stripes is my cousin Seth! Seth tries so hard to dance... but he is def a white boy... we are all taking dance lessons starting at the end of January... our men need some instruction!
This is the ladies... me, Jana, and my friend Rachael. I will have a post later about Rachael... she is one of the sweetest people I know... single mom of three... and yet, she can't seem to find a man worth spending any time with... its depressing! Her last two attempts have been at church and even those have ended miserably!

Anywho... enjoy the pics from my evening... we really did have a great time as we all love dancing... even Robert (my husband) got out there and did a little booty shaking to some hip hop music! There's a first time for everything...

Hope you all had a great day! Happy New Year!

Six Flags

This is the second time I have attempted to post today!

I did something yesterday that I never thought I would do... I took the girls to Six Flags all by my lonesome. We had a great time.... and if blogger will cooperate I will post some pics! The first pic is the "this is what my kids were wearing" pic... one of my biggest fears is that I'll take em somewhere like that and some freakazoid will kidnap them. At least this way I have a picture of what they look like... I know, a little paranoid! The second pic was taken on the Mexican Hat... that ride has been around since I was a kiddo. A little scary if you think about it! The next picture is from the Judge Roy Scream... that was one of my faves as a kid... and my girls LOVE it! They got off the ride with smiles on their faces... pleased to inform me that they held their arms up high the entire ride. The final pic is of the girls with the Justice League... Kali was quite concerned that Wonder Woman might be cold!

Ok... so blogger has loaded the pics in whatever order it wanted to... I think it might be time to swith to beta...

On a completly different note... Megan had to see the dr on Christmas Eve with Strep throat... Kali went today... so I guess its that time of year again! Yippeee... wonder who is next!

--jessica

Coolest Present Ever...

Ok... I have a confession to make. My name is Jessica and I am addicted to Kali's Santa gift, the Fisher Price I Can Play Piano. This little present was a pain to obtain... meaning I (Santa) went to Wal-Mart, Target, KMart, Radio Shack, Penny's, Circuit City and Best Buy to find it... and left empty handed each time. I ended up ordering it off of Amazon.com, but it was soooo worth all the trouble! I've played with it for an hour this morning... and the girls have spent another hour playing it. While it doesn't teach correct technique, it is a great place to start. My favorite part is that you learn one hand, then the other, and then put them together... and it scores you. So for every missed note, you lose points... it's quite the challenge. But, for all of those without the fine motor skills to do it at tempo (me) you can slow it way down... it's awesome! Maybe I'll take it to my office when school starts back up... it could be another way to procrastinate!

--jessica

Merry Christmas

Just a quick note to say Merry Christmas one and all. I hope that each of you have an amazing day tomorrow!

--jessica

P.S. Evie.... glad you finally left a comment, now when are you going to get one of these things? I miss you sooooo much!

Holiday Spirit

I cannot seem to get into the holiday spirit this year. I didn't start Christmas shopping until yesterday and I haven't even finished decorating my house... Christmas with my parents and brothers is this Saturday at my house! Guess I should get on that! AUGH! I'm trying to find some spirit... I even bought a new Christmas CD... but it doesn't seem to be working. Any suggestions... maybe eggnog would do the trick?

Yippee!

Finals are done... grades are posted... I now officially have one month off! YIPPEEEEEEE! I don't have any big plans... other than sleeping late, working out, and catching up on blogs... so be ready, here I come!

Oh yeah, I forgot to add shopping to that list... Megan asked me on Saturday if I was going to actually buy presents this year... gotta love when your kid's a smart alec!
So... I guess it's off to the mall I go...

--jessica

P.S. I resurrected the other blog.

Love ya'll...

I just had a chance to finally sit and read any comments that had been left... and ya'll's love and support got me all teary eyed. Thanks for the support... I love you guys!

One more week...

Oh my, what a week it has been. We have our choir program at church this weekend... so I have had rehearsal every night this week. I am singing a duet with Justin for this program. The song is "Come Home" and it means a lot to me that Bret choose me to sing it with Justin... the man has an amazing voice. I usually do not have difficulty learning songs... nor do I have difficulty singing my song... but Satan has gotten into my head and I am struggling with this one. I don't want to screw it up... I want to worship my Lord with the talent he gave me... and I want to sing the CORRECT harmony. So, I'm asking that ya'll pray for me this weekend... that all will go well... and that the people who need to be touched will be touched. Here are the lyrics for the song... for those of you that KNOW me... you'll understand why this song touches me so...

Have you hungered in the wilderness for a peace that your heart knew before? Have you wandered finding something less when inside you've been longing for more. If you remember how it used to be when you lived your life more abundantly... come home... come home.

If you're tired, and weary, come home. The Father is waiting to welcome his own, and you've been gone, so long. Come home.

You've been searching since you said good-bye, like a child with a lesson to learn. But there's mercy in your Father's eyes as He waits for the day you return. And it won't matter where your heart has been when He holds you close in His arms again... come home... come home.

If you're tired and weary, come home. The Father is waiting to welcome His own, and you've been gone so long.. come home... come home..

Oh why do you keep running from the one who loves you most, so far from where you know you want to be? Patiently He's waiting and He longs to hold you close...even now He's calling softly and tenderly; Come home...

come home... if you're tired and weary come home... the Father is waiting to welcome His own... and you've been gone so long... you've been gone so long.. Come home.

I would upload the song, if I were feeling so industrious, but frankly, I'm too tired to even try it.

Just to catch you up on some of the happenings in our life....

1. Megan got a lead part in the 3rd grade program and she is EXCITED.
2. Kali has decided that it is ok to lay in the floor and make a fool of herself... so, she's been in bed by 7pm every night this week.
3. I am officially done with school... not because I finished... but because I withdrew from the university. I decided I would rather quit than fail... and let's face it... I have entirely too much on my plate to even pretend that I can do it all.
4. On the marriage front, things are going... not always easy ... not always hard... just going... I would love to be all chipper here and say that things are going to be ok... that we will be one of the couples that make it... but I believe in honesty... so my silence will say more.
5. I will be done with my own classes (the ones I teach) as of next Wednesday... and I think I will refuse to get out of bed for at least 3 days.

I am positive there is more I can post... but I must clean the house so the housecleaner can come in the morning (since she reads my blog I figure she'll get a kick out of that one)! If you do not have a housecleaner... I recommend that every person invest the $$$$. It is sooo worth the money I pay Holly every week to clean my house. I come home on Friday afternoons and the house is amazingly clean... and that means I can sleep late on Saturday and I don't have to spend the day fighting with my family about why they should help. I think I would give up sonic cokes before I would give up Holly!

love and miss you guys... jessica

(P.S. Shelly, I will get pics posted this weekend...)

Did you expect it to be different?

No, I'm not dead... just been really, really busy and tired of posting depressing thoughts!

I was looking on MSN.com just now, and there is a story about Pamela Anderson filing for divorce from Kid Rock... Did anyone really think it would be different for them? I mean, really? I love Kid Rock's music... one of those people I can't admit to liking with the kids around... but I have never envisioned him at the perfect man to marry!

Anyway, to each his own!

--jessica

Quick update...

Our preacher/marriage counselor has us doing homework this week that I have put off for 7 days now. The homework is to write down ALL of our significant thoughts for three days and share them with each other... then decide what we are focusing on that has no business in our minds... or that is taking away from us healing. So... here's the problem... I do not want to write down ever thought I have... several reasons for this: 1. who has time to write down every freakin' thought for 3 days? 2. If we are truthful about our thoughts someone is going to get hurt. 3. Why would I want to do something that is going to cause more drama?

Ok, Ok, I know it sounds like I'm having a bad attitude right now... and maybe I am... but every time I think of this assignment I want to scream. I mean, yesterday Robert and I had the worse fight we have had in a while... during the fight I had some pretty awful thoughts... most of them including murder... so if I tell him my thoughts, his feelings will be hurt and I will have to deal with that. Not to mention that Robert showed me his thoughts for one day and many of them included me... I'm not sure, but I am guessing that mine would not be such. I mean, I am a teacher, a mother, and a student... I'm pretty certain there is no time to just think about my spouse in a roses and rainbows way.

Anyway... this is where I am now! Thanks for the continued prayers!
--jessica

I haven't died...

Just a quick note to let you know I am still alive. Life is crazy right now with teaching, classes, and my kiddos... not to mention marriage counseling. I will admit, though, that it has been hard to know what to blog... I mean, half of my homework (from the counselor) has come with specific instructions about not asking for help... so I couldn't really post that!

Anywho... we bought a new to me vehicle today. Robert decided the camaro wasn't such a good family vehicle and went on a search. He finally settled on a trailblazer. I think he was getting irritated with me... he would suggest a vehicle and I would ask if it had a good sound system and cup holders. You know, a girl has to have priorities. ha ha... Anyway, the trailblazer has both... and it was the right price. You know how that goes!

Did anyone dress up today for halloween? I wore a halo... you know, to show what an angel I was... but everyone has smirked when they see me... what's that about?

--jessica

Another Day...

Another day... I've made it another day. A single day hasn't passed without tears since last Thursday... but I'm pluggin' along.

Although, I won't go into all the details of our screw ups... I have come to realize some TRUTHS about life and the most important one is that without God this marrige isn't going to happen. God is the only one who can repair the hurt that we have done to each other. Neither of us is innocent... we have both done things to the other... and God is the only one who can take that pain away.

So... here's to more prayin' that God will take this hurt and pain away... that God will clog my tear ducts... or better yet, I won't have a need to cry.

--jessica

The Morning After...

3 days... that is how long I have spent crying... 3 freakin' days. My eyes are swollen, my head hurts, and I can't keep my nose from running.

We went to see our preacher today and he had some great words of wisdom for us. He suggested that many of our problems started at the very beginning... and until we forgive each other for the things that happened back in 1994 we won't be able to move on. As much as I would like to shout a great big "whatever" to that idea... I think he is probably right. We have done things both purposely and accidentally to hurt each other. There is no trust in our marriage... and we have both let in crap that didn't need to be there. Basically, we have a lot farther to go then either of us ever guessed.

Our homework for the week is to read Psalms 51 to each other, out loud, every day. At some level that is soooo much better than the staring at each other bit the last counselor gave us as homework... but then again, we read it in preacher man's office and barely got through it because we were all teary.

So... that pretty much catches you up on things... at least to a certain level. I have gathered the women around me that Sarah suggested... but don't think you are off the hook if I haven't called you yet... I'm working on it still... there is still so much ground to cover I might need a rather large group of people praying for me. Thanks for your support and your prayers... they are much needed and appreciated... jessica

Where did I go?

Ok... I really haven't died or dropped off the face of the earth, but let me tell you how much I wish that were the case. There has been a lot going on... and I can't go into it in detail... but please keep me and my marriage in your prayers. I have found out some stuff I didn't know... that I don't like... and that I don't know what to do with... Let me just tell you how much Satan can attack when you feel like you've got it together. I just don't get it... why can't he leave me alone? Why can't the crap I've gone through in my life thus far be enough? One of my friends reminded me that God can use those struggles/trials/crap in our lives to reach out to someone else...but can I just say that I really do have enough "experiences" now with which to draw on... I mean, I was molested, physically abused, adopted, had my adopted dad kill himself all before the age of 7... then I managed to screw things up on my own plenty... I slept around and drank way too much in high school, I got married at 19, I had babies when I shouldn't have, etc. etc. etc. I could go on all day about the crap in my life that I could use to help others with. I can promise you that I do not have the stamina or strength to deal with what is going on right now... Anyway... just be in prayer... jess

I'm feelin' old...

So, is anyone watching Dancing with the Stars? My kids and I love it! Good family TV. Anyway, Mario Lopez... you know, the guy from Saved by the Bell, is one of the dancers. Yeah, and um tonight they celbrated his 21st birthday on the show. What?! Was he like 12 when I drooled over him on Saturday mornings? Anyway, I'm feeling a bit old right now... how 'bout you?

--jessica

Columbus Day

So... is there any reason that we celebrate Columbus Day? Didn't the powers that be decide that Columbus didn't discover America? If that is the case, then why do we celbrate... I mean, doesn't that make him just another explorer... shouldn't we have Lewis & Clark day then? So... I know some of ya'll are teachers... what gives?

--jessica

Our trip!

Can I just say how great it is to go on a trip without the kids? Oh my goodness... we had a blast! We ended up going to the comedy club I mentioned before... it was an improv club... and it was hilarious. Saturday we did a bit of shopping and then we headed back downtown. We ran into some friends that we hadn't seen in years... and they had extra tickets to go see Wynonna Judd at the Ft. Worth Symphony. So... we went... and it was awesome. I'm not big on orchestras, but Wynonna's got some pipes on her! After the symphony, we went to Pete's dueling Piano Bar! It was loud and smokey and they played songs from every genre and it was AWESOME! My kind of place. They even played Baby Got Back... on the piano! ha ha... Robert enjoyed it too... and only complained about being left deaf a couple of times... which is an improvement for him! ha ha

Anyway, we enjoyed each other and I think it was a great move for our marriage! I would have to say that I was a bit irritated when we walked into the hotel room and realized that the sheets and comforter were white--so much for the glow in the dark glitter paint! Ha ha....

--jessica

Weekend was great... stomach bug I've had today... not so great! EWWWWWWWW!!!!!