Monday, January 28, 2008

Whatcha think???

I just couldn't take it anymore... I had to do some changing! Every time I open my friend Shelley's blog she has something new and different... so I did a little searching and found this free template online. It had a really ugly bright orange link to the site I got it from and I impressed myself with figuring out how to delete it! Now... if only I could figure out how to make my own cool templates! Oh well...

Life is good this week! I went to a seminar at a church in town on Saturday with my friend Amy. It was AMAZING! The speaker was Dana Mayhall, whom I have known since high school... she has had many jobs in Abilene including leading my youth drama/choir production my sophomore year in high school. Anyway, she spoke on empowerment... she said many things that touched me, but my favorite part was when she discussed the facades that we all put on... and how those inhibit our ability to serve the Lord. Now, I'm not much into facades as I am pretty certain that I can only be who I can be and I frankly, don't have enough energy or brain power to be anything other than I am. BUT... I do struggle in a BIG WAY with my self-esteem. I'm sure I could link it back to one of the many childhood things that happened, but I'm not in the mood to dwell right now and I have laid all of that at the foot of the cross because I can do nothing about things that happened 25 yrs ago... what I will say is that I am probably one of the most insecure people that I have ever met. I worry constantly about whether or not people like me... I worry about offending or leaving people out... I even worry that no one loves me when I don't get comments on my blog... Now, I can look logically at the situation and see that I have friends and people who love me... but it doesn't take away those insecurities and questions. Anyway, all of that to say that although I wouldn't call any of that a facade, it is in a certain way and it gets in the way of my relationship with the Lord just like pretending to be the perfect wife and mother would do. So... I laid that on the cross and am going to work on praising myself instead of assuming the negative. I can't describe the emotion in that room as women prayed for healing etc, but it was amazing! We want to have her at our church... I'll let you know when that happens!

The other thing that really stuck with me from Dana was her theory of raising hands in church. I've never been one to raise my hands in church... I don't have beliefs against it... I just haven't felt comfortable to do it. Dana is definitely a hand raiser... and here's why... think of a little kid whose father has just come home from work... what do they do??? They raise their hands to their father, arms stretched wide, wanting to be held. When Dana raises her hands during worship she is much like this child... only she is saying Lord I worship You! I want to be close to You! You are my heart's desire! Bless me! Etc. etc.! Anyway, I'm not telling anyone how to worship... I just thought this was interesting... I still couldn't really get my hands above my shoulders Sunday... guess there is work to be done... haha!

4 comments:

Shelley said...

Love the blog... super cute!! Thanks for sharing some of what you learned.

Amy said...

Love your new look!! Thanks for the word. This was a great post!!

not-so-deep Denise said...

So, did you lift holy hands to the Lord?

jessica said...

Denise, I tried really hard but I could only get about shoulder height! Just goes to show that even if you know it is 'ok' to do sometimes it is difficult to step out of our boxes!