Saturday, June 24, 2006

Horoscope

WARNING: THIS POST IS EXTREMELY PERSONAL AND A BIT DEPRESSING, SO DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW....

On my MSN homepage, I have it set up to read my horoscope... somedays the advice sounds like it is written just for me, other days I just laugh. Today's horoscope freaked me out a bit...

"Over the past few weeks you have been engaged in intense analysis of the motivations behind your relationships, dear Pisces. Today you will realize that it is essential for you to follow your own path through life, without heeding other people's advice at all. You actually had the answers inside of you all along. This isn't exactly sociable behavior; nevertheless it is what fits the bill best."

I've posted a couple of times about the difficulty of marriage and for the last 4 months, hubbie and I have been (or more honestly I have been) reevaluating our lives and our marriage. The big D word has been mentioned several times... and frankly, I am pretty sure that he feels like I am just one catastrophie away from bolting. It seems that every time I feel like maybe we can make this work, something happens to set us back. It is all very frustrating. But then, to read a horoscope that says exactly what has been on my mind is a bit freaky... not that I generally believe these suckers... and not that I am moving out of my house today... but it is still a little freaky.

I guess this is the part I reveal my deepest secrets for CheerioButt ... remember the "Peek inside me" challenge? Anyway, this week's challenge is to tell a secret... this secret goes with the stuff from above. Over the last few months people have said "remember what brought you together" and "go back to the beginning" in fact, I think almost everyone who knows of our drama has given this advice. Here's the deal (and my secret)... Robert and I grew up in Christian homes which preached 'no sex before marriage' and well, let's just say that although neither of us were each other's firsts we definetly made up for it in the year and a half we dated. Anyway, when he got ready to go off to Wy to go to school it was either break up or get married. We got married... here's the secret ... I'm pretty sure we got married to make right all the sex we had been having. So.... when people tell me to "go back to the beginning" I have a hard time not laughing... because the beginning was lots of fun, with no emotional connection, and lots of fighting... but definetly no love. We were 18 yrs old... we didn't have a clue what love was... so how can I go back there to draw on emotions to bring us back to good times?

You may be thinking "oh what a secret, everyone has sex" and after talking to my college students about HPV this week, I really do think everyone has sex... but the real issue here is not that we had sex... it is that on some level we really thought that by getting married we could "make right" all that we had done wrong. And, I guess that we thought that we would amazingly quit fighting and like each other if we got married. Oh how wrong we were...

Anyway, I'm all for advice... so if you have some wisdom to share... feel free.

--jessica

P.S. After a morning of thought I did figure out a different way to look at my horoscope... I have had several friends and fellow teachers tell me that it might be time for me to move on... I've even had good Christian women tell me that my marriage may not be fixable... but I am just stubborn enough to go against the flow and make things work.... Thanks for the support...

7 comments:

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

Wow. I don't know what to say. Expect STOP READING HOROSCOPES! They're of the devil!!!! I'm calling in the troops! They will have wise words for you! So when you start getting comments from people you've never heard of, it's all my doing. They are very wise woman. I know we chatted briefly about this situation. I don't believe people should get divorced because they don't get along. But, I also know that you only married him to make things right. Man, this is soo hard. I will be praying for you. I have to think on this one.

Looney Mom said...

Oh Jessica! I don't know you but my heart is breaking and aching for you right now. I see you visited me this morning. Please don't give up. You say you grew up in a Christian home, but have you personally accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? That will make all the difference in what you do next.

I have some experiences to share with you and maybe this is why I began my blog in the first place. I have hoped that I could minister to anyone going through such a painful situation. I've been going through a journey of my own for the last couple of months on my blog and for a reason I guess; to sow empathy and compassion.

I really would like to discuss this with you more. I am not a vault of wisdom, but trust me when I say I have been through more than you can imagine. I do know what you're going through. I will email you. Please stay in touch. Don't give up. I am praying for you.

kdubs said...

My heart breaks for you and I'm teary reading this as I have been on the other end.

My life story is way long and I'd love to share it anohter time. I'll sum up with my ex hubs was a believer and left becasue he chose to fall out of love. Long story short, I am now HAPPILY married to an amazing man and I do have a happy ending but his life not so much. Four years later my ex is falling apart. His life is miserable.

The best advice, as flip flop asked us to give, is girl--- water your grass. Water it like crazy. Try with EVERYTHING in you to fan the flame. If you leave, without just cause, I don't care what you believe in at this point--- you will live to regret it. Your kids will too. They pay a huge price as mine does. Even if you stay peaceful, which we have, your kid's lives will forever be altered. Your life will as well. And if you are a believer you know you are going against what God has commanded us to do.

So you had sex. You made some mistakes. Your marriage was started young, I do NOT envy you. You have changed and your hubs has changed so much you probably wouldn't even pick each other now if you could but here you are.

You are married. You have made the vows. Whether you like it or not your lives are joined.

The idea of seperation is a myth. It is not that pretty, it's really a tearing apart of two lives. It is awful, painful, exhausting, expensive, sad-- no matter if you are left or the leaver.

I don't want to lecture but I want to leave on saying I passionately ask you to water your grass.

Fan the flames.

Try.

I'm here if you ever want to talk,
kdubsp@gmail.com

Hugs and blessings to you my dear,
Karen
http://kdubsblog.com

janjanmom said...

Be stubborn!! Make it work. Read "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martien. It will let you know God is faithful to women who take their vows seriously!!

Also READ NOW: "The Walk-out Woman" It will help you in the immediate stuff!

Lastly, read over these comments again!! We've all been there!! Marriage is HARD. GOD IS FAITHFUL and he hates divorce and as a child of divorce, I am here to tell you-kids never recover. All the media stuff you hear is crap. Divorce will affect your kids in ways you never imagined!!

Unless he is beating you senseless or has some sicko behaviour-you can make it!!

~d said...

Jessica, don't give up hope. Just don't.
But DO quit reading and suscribing to those goofy horoscopes. 'They' say that in a room of 30 people, odds are that 2 will share the same birthday-so can you imagine how general these horrible-scopes have to be?
I am a new reader-are their kids involved?

Bluepaintred said...

wow jessica. me and you both posted our peek secret about marriages!

I have no words of advice for you, sorry. but whatever you do, do it to make your self happy

Cheerio's on my butt? said...

Wow! That is quite a deep secret. I am sorry to hear about the trouble in your marriage. Not that I listen too much to horoscopes anymore, but maybe you should listen to yourself. Not your head. Not your anger, or hurt, or even pride, or others opinions. Listen to your heart. If you were together for just sex then you wouldn't even have lasted a year! Sometimes we can forget the reasons that we married and forget a lot of those good happy feelings. I have been there. I still hung on though and it passes. There are growing pains sometimes becuase we change soo much through the years. But you can fall in love all over again if you look at that person in that same light that you did in the beginning. You know where you only see the good. It helps to turn off the critical voice and to just listen and observe and try to get to know that person all over again. My Mom used to tell me that there should only be two reasons for divorce: abuse and adultery. And even then I think there can still be chance. I also know that anything worth having in this life takes hard work and sacrifice. Most of all, in a world so changing and unsure and scary and painful there has got to be a place of absolutes to come and rest your soul, to depend on despite mistakes and stupidity. A place we can be safe and loved despite our errors or foolishness. A place where love bends and allows for disagreements and differences and yet your still loved. I do so hope that you can be stubborn through this. Hang on tight. And take a chance with your heart again. You seem like a great and strong person. Good luck. hang in there! xoxoxoxoxoxoxox