We have a thief....

Last night, as I was preparing for our trip, I had to make a run to Wal-Mart... and of course Robert and the kids were with me. Well, as we were checking out Kali brought me a push pop... and was quickly told no way hose'. Guess she didn't like that answer... she went around the corner and quickly started to open it... Robert caught her before she could get it open... but her motive was clear. He took her to the truck and doled out her swat... and she went to bed when we got home.

Before bed last night, I asked her if I needed to call her Grammy, who is a probation officer, or her Grandpa, who is an officer at the county jail... I saw her little face crumble. I asked her if she new what it was called when someone took stuff that wasn't theirs... and what the consequences were... and she began to cry tears... real ones... not fake ones like I normally get. I feel kind of bad... like I overreacted over a stinkin' push pop... but what happens if we don't make a big deal about it.

Any advice on this one?

--jessica

Going on a trip....

Remember my friend Anne? Well, she turns 30 tomorrow so there are a few of us hopping in a van tomorrow and driving the 8 hrs to celebrate with her. So... I won't be posting this weekend... instead I will be shopping. Hope everyone has a good weekend and I bet I come back with some great stories after riding in a van for 8 hrs each way with 6 women. HA HA

--jessica

Stupid

My mom watches my kids on Monday nights, while I teach at the prison... tonight my brother was hanging out there as well. Apparently my oldest, Megan, was acting a bit goofy.... she asked Uncle David if she was dumb and of course he said no... so she said 'am I stupid'... always the kind uncle... he said he had to look it up in order to give a correct assessment of her stupidity.

Well... apparently one definition of the word stupid is 'acting silly or foolish'... so indeed, she was behaving stupidly. AUGH! Do you know how hard I have worked to eradicate words like: stupid, dumb, hate, can't, etc? So now, because of my loving brother, Megan has a new definition of the word and a correct way to use it. I can't wait until he has kids of his own!

--jessica

New blog

I decided this morning that I needed a different place to discuss all the drama in my marriage... especially since I intended this blog to be a fun place.

It is here... go take a look... I thought the black symbolized my mood at the moment. I do enjoy your advice and your comments... this new blog will allow me a place to express myself in a different way...

--jessica

Horoscope

WARNING: THIS POST IS EXTREMELY PERSONAL AND A BIT DEPRESSING, SO DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW....

On my MSN homepage, I have it set up to read my horoscope... somedays the advice sounds like it is written just for me, other days I just laugh. Today's horoscope freaked me out a bit...

"Over the past few weeks you have been engaged in intense analysis of the motivations behind your relationships, dear Pisces. Today you will realize that it is essential for you to follow your own path through life, without heeding other people's advice at all. You actually had the answers inside of you all along. This isn't exactly sociable behavior; nevertheless it is what fits the bill best."

I've posted a couple of times about the difficulty of marriage and for the last 4 months, hubbie and I have been (or more honestly I have been) reevaluating our lives and our marriage. The big D word has been mentioned several times... and frankly, I am pretty sure that he feels like I am just one catastrophie away from bolting. It seems that every time I feel like maybe we can make this work, something happens to set us back. It is all very frustrating. But then, to read a horoscope that says exactly what has been on my mind is a bit freaky... not that I generally believe these suckers... and not that I am moving out of my house today... but it is still a little freaky.

I guess this is the part I reveal my deepest secrets for CheerioButt ... remember the "Peek inside me" challenge? Anyway, this week's challenge is to tell a secret... this secret goes with the stuff from above. Over the last few months people have said "remember what brought you together" and "go back to the beginning" in fact, I think almost everyone who knows of our drama has given this advice. Here's the deal (and my secret)... Robert and I grew up in Christian homes which preached 'no sex before marriage' and well, let's just say that although neither of us were each other's firsts we definetly made up for it in the year and a half we dated. Anyway, when he got ready to go off to Wy to go to school it was either break up or get married. We got married... here's the secret ... I'm pretty sure we got married to make right all the sex we had been having. So.... when people tell me to "go back to the beginning" I have a hard time not laughing... because the beginning was lots of fun, with no emotional connection, and lots of fighting... but definetly no love. We were 18 yrs old... we didn't have a clue what love was... so how can I go back there to draw on emotions to bring us back to good times?

You may be thinking "oh what a secret, everyone has sex" and after talking to my college students about HPV this week, I really do think everyone has sex... but the real issue here is not that we had sex... it is that on some level we really thought that by getting married we could "make right" all that we had done wrong. And, I guess that we thought that we would amazingly quit fighting and like each other if we got married. Oh how wrong we were...

Anyway, I'm all for advice... so if you have some wisdom to share... feel free.

--jessica

P.S. After a morning of thought I did figure out a different way to look at my horoscope... I have had several friends and fellow teachers tell me that it might be time for me to move on... I've even had good Christian women tell me that my marriage may not be fixable... but I am just stubborn enough to go against the flow and make things work.... Thanks for the support...

Can you hear it?

Do you hear it? What you might ask... Nothing, I answer. There is no fighting, no bickering, no yelling, no whining... there is only silence coming from my living room. Why, might you ask... Megan had a sleepover at a friend's house last night.... So, Kali is in the living room perched on the couch watching what she wants to watch on TV... Dora, Diego, Backyardigans, and her fave The Wonder Pets.

Last night, she and daddy played poker (nice... daddy taught the 5 yr old to play poker) and watched a movie. They even ate Taco Bueno for dinner and went to the nickel arcade. Both of which are places that Mommy refuses to go.

If we aren't careful Kali will be planning all kinds of sleepovers for Megan.

--jessica

I am....

I am a cuddler - HECK NO... give me my personal space please
I am a morning person - if I get to sleep until at least 7am and I've gottent to sleep allllllll night
I am a perfectionist - discouraged perfectionist
I am an only child -was until I was adopted... now I have two brothers
I am currently in my pajamas - true
I am addicted to my blogger-- yep
I am shy around people AT FIRST - not at all
I bite my nails - yes
I can be paranoid at times - yes
I currently regret something that I have said - everyday something comes out I regret
When I get mad I curse frequently - ha ha oh how true
I like someone - I like lots of people
I enjoy country music - true
I enjoy jazz music - not so much
I enjoy smoothies - yes... strawberry banana please
I enjoy talking on the phone - could talk for hours.... I have 1200 min on my cell, use them all each month
I have a lot to learn - heck yeah... don't we all
I have a pet - 4 cats, 6 dogs... (country living... and all the puppies not staying)
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal - yes
I have all my grandparents - nope... just my mom's parents
I have been told that I am smart - smartass maybe... jk
I get higher then C's in school - in everything except adv grammar
I have broken a bone - do toes count?
I have Caller I.D. on my phone - on all my phones
I have bathed/showered with someone - just hubbie... again I need my personal space...
I have changed a diaper - yep... glad those days are over
I have changed a lot over the past year - yeah
I have done something illegal - I'll never tell....
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair - true
I have had surgery - yep, gallbladder and tubal
I have killed another person - no...but if i did why would i put that on here?
I have had my hair cut within the last week - must get paid... so Shane will be doing it July 5th
I have had the cops called on me - not that I remember but high school is a bit foggy
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn't - yep


I don't normally do these but this one made me laugh... so I guess I need to Tag someone else... Holly your it....

--jessica

Emergency Fund

There were several comments about what great stewards we are, because we have the emergency fund. Those comments made me feel like such a fraud... so I am going to reveal the truth about the emergency fund.

When we started the financial peace class I was not necessarily a willing party. I wanted to get out of debt, but I was pretty sure that if we couldn't pay the electric bill every month on time that there was noooooo way we were going to pay off any debt. I just couldn't see how we were going to scrounge up the extras to pay things off... and there was nooooo way I was getting rid of my cell phone or the cable.

Anyway, it took a bit of attitude adjustment on my part, but we put the money away when I got paid last summer. Here is the sad part... even then, I wasn't really a willing party... I gave the money to Robert and told him to put it in the bank... but I made it clear how unhappy I was about it... I mean, come on, I can think of plenty of other ways to spend $1000... which I have reminded him of on several occasions since the opening of the savings account.

So... thanks for the compliments... but I just thought I needed to confess that although the behavior was right my attitude definitely stank/stinks about the emergency fund.

--jessica

It keeps happening...

I really thought things happen in threes... and I thought my three had already happened. But, no... there has been more drama this week.

Yesterday, I ran out of gas... yeah, I know what the E stands for... but something is wrong with the gauge and I thought I could make it. I was close enough to CJC so I hitchhiked to school... you know, the teacher can't come in all sweaty from walking the block to school.

This morning Robert went out to start his truck and it wouldn't start. He called the shop and the guy told him to tap his gas tank with something and see if it started. If it did then it was probably the full pump. Any guesses as to how much $$$$$ a fuel pump is? I thought maybe $100 or $200... but no... $500. Luckily we did Financial Peace at church and Dave Ramsey pushes the emergency fund. So we have the money... but what happens when some other drama happens? I mean we are on a roll here.

Although I really do not feel like the universe if conspiring against me I do wonder why all of this happening. Oh well... at least I am still able to laugh at it all.

--jessica

Third day in a row....

Have you ever had one of those weeks... you know, the weeks where you had better laugh because if you don't you'll cry? Well, this is that week for me. On Monday, I was taking the kids to Robert, so I could drive to the prison for my weekly gig and some stupid woman pulls over into the turning lane in front of me, pulls into Lawrence Hall, and then immediately backs up. Not only did she NOT see me as she pulled over in front of me, she didn't see me when she threw it into reverse and backed into my little red car with her giant SUV. Here is the comical part, though, being a new standard driver there are some things I cannot do... I learned from this experience that I cannot turn, shift, and honk my horn at the same time. No damage, by the way... I was just late to the prison.

On Tuesday, my little red car started making a funny popping noise... nothing cooler than sitting at a red light in the camaro and the car is emitting a loud popping noise. I called Robert to let him know what was happening... his response "I'm not a mechanic." If his response wasn't bad enough, I ran home to get my swimsuit for a relaxing trip to the pool and the car died. I got it started and got it home. Robert came and checked it out... alternator frozen. $100 later... and only 20 min of his time the car was fixed... but still a pain in my butt.

Last but not least, we cannot forget today! Driving home from the pool this evening I see a truck with a cattle trailer on the back driving down the access road (frontage road for those not in Abilene)... 5 lanes over! Next this I know, the cattle trailer came unhitched and started its own journey across the five lanes of traffic, directly at the 5 of us on the road! WHAT?!! Luckily the 4 cars around me all saw what was about to happen and we were able to slow down. No accident... trailer landed in the bar ditch with quite a thud.

Anyway, needless to say life has had some interesting moments this week... and it's only Wednesday...I have always heard bad things come in threes... can I call the trailer #3 even though it missed me?

--jessica

Oh.... and can someone tell me why when I have such a deep post on my blog... look at yesterday's post... no one ever makes comments? Wait... one comment by email... one posted... so where has the love gone?

Randomness...

Tonight was prison night... One of the first signs that I see after walking in is a big read sign that reads "No hostages beyond this point" ... I asked the guard when I first started what exactly the sign meant and he let me know that I was expendable...

Each class brings about some conversation that has nothing to do with what I am supposed to lecture on (I have a hard time staying focused!). Tonight was no different, and we ventured several times. We discussed politics and who the next govenor should be... most of the guys like Kinky for no other reason than his name. We also discussed their pick for the next president... about half said Hilary... some said Kay Bailey-Hutchison... I found it interesting that no one suggested a man... I wonder if they know something I don't. The other tangent tonight was them giving me advice on how to be a better wife. This happens every semester when some student asks me what I cooked for dinner and I laugh... I did tell them I cooked a hamburger yesterday and was informed that is not cooking! It used to hurt my feelings that they thought I was a bad wife... then hubbie reminded me where I am and asked what kind of husbands they are.

This afternoon I was catching up on the many blogs I like to read... this blog has a question that I found very interesting. I even posted and then spent the day thinking about whether that really would be the day I picked. Her question is "if you could redo any day in your life, what day would it be? Why?" I just went to check what other people chose... and most bailed... saying they couldn't pick just one, or wondering how it would affect the rest of their lives. For those who are wondering I chose my wedding day... I do love my hubbie and my kids... but I just wish that we had waited a good 5 or 10 yrs before we took that leap. How much better of a parent would I be if I had waited...How much better of a wife would I be if I had been secure in myself before that walk? I also chose this day because we should've taken the money my mom offered and eloped... it probably would've been much more peaceful since no one seemed to be able to get along on our happy day. Anyway, what day would you redo if you could have a redo?

--jessica

Summer?

So... this is summer? I usually teach a couple of classes each summer session so that I can have a little money for the kids and I to play with. Because of some changes at CJC I ended up with 3 there and one at the prison... all during this first half of the summer. My kids don't seem to mind hanging out with the babysitter, but I am feeling a bit guilty about deserting them. I am killing myself trying to make sure we still make it to the pool and do the usual summer stuff and I still have to make time to prepare for each class. I keep telling myself that there are only 3 more weeks of this craziness and it will all be over... but I am beginning to wonder if I will make it. I haven't even had time to catch up on my favorite blogs and it is driving me a bit crazy.

The 'peek inside me' challenge for the week is to show you a pic of our feet... including our heals. I think that since I had a pedicure this week I won't participate... not to mention that I couldn't figure out how to take the pics with the detail of my cracked heals. EWWW! Anyway, contact Cheeriobutt and tell her you want to play.

Anyway, I hope that everyone is well... I miss reading your blogs and your comments. Only 3 more weeks of this and life will again be peaceful.

--jessica

The Prison

Last night was the first class for the Speech class I teach at the prison in Colorado City. The classes at the prison are usually my favorite... I think it has something to do with the fact that the guys have nothing better to do, so they actually do the reading I ask them to do!

Each semester brings me a great variety of characters and I have to remind myself that these guys are in there for a reason. Last night was no different...the guys range in age from 18-24... one of them turned 18 last week. I had one student who quickly informed me that he went to high school with me, and was sure we ran in the same circles. I find it quite comical that of the 5 semesters I have taught at the prison, there has only been one semester that there wasn't someone I went to school with. What does that tell you about my high school?

I stood at my classroom door last night (to hold it open as there was no door stop) and some of my past students came up to tell me hello. I had one guy tell me that I was the first teacher to treat him like a person. How sad is that? I have a hard time with some of my fellow teachers, because I truly feel that it isn't my job to be difficult or judgmental with these guys. Some of them are in there for crimes I have committed within my lifetime, who am I to treat them as less than human? I realize that the guards treat the men a certain way because they have to... there are rules to be followed and any breach could spell disaster... I mean we are at a prison. But in my classroom, they are my students... not robbers and drugies.

I was sitting here thinking about things I have learned while teaching at the prison that ya'll might appreciate... here is my list.

1. Prisoners have greater access to drugs than any free person might ( I had a headache and was told they could get me anything I needed....)
2. Don't leave any color pen on your desk... it won't be there when you turn back around... which leads me to three...(for those who don't know, the ink from the pens is what they use to give each other tattoos with their homemade tattoo guns)
3. Never turn your back on a classroom of prisoners... if you do they have a tendency to comment about your goods under their breathe...
4. When walking down the hall to leave the building... do NOT look to the right... the bathroom is that direction and there are no doors, stalls or anything... if you look that way you see what these boys are blessed with.... (no one shared with me this bit of information when I started, so of course I turned the corner... looked that way... and wow... I of course quickly looked away but I was still embarrassed.)
5. The guys have the ability to find out any bit of information they want to... so you might as well share. (Last night, one guy asked my first name and I just looked at him... another yelled 'Jessica it's in the WTC handbook'.... Wow! What a way to protect my identity!)

Anyway, I am exhausted... and my brain hurts from the 4 classes I am teaching right now... so I think it is off to bed for me! I am sure I will have plenty of stories about the prison over the next 9 weeks....hopefully only funny ones...

--jessica

Sunday Afternoon Fun

Robert and I were outside earlier trying to find the leak in the air bubble that sits on the top of the pool... never found it. I am pretty sure that this pool thing is highly overrated! Anyway, while we were working... or actually while he was working and I was sitting in the chair supervising... I heard a funny noise from behind me. Our kittens were playing in the ball return net on the bottom of the basketball net... and got their heads stuck... both of them. I ran over to the net and wrestled it off of their necks. What would make a kitten stick its head through a net and why did it fit on the way in and yet didn't come out so easily?

While we were outside the girls were supposed to be cleaning their disastrous playroom. Next thing I know the window pops open and Megan screams "Kali is cutting her hair"... Kali cut a good chuck out of the side of her hair. I don't get her... she tells me all the time how she wants to have hair down to her butt... so why does she keep cutting it? Is there some medical condition that makes kids cut their hair? It's as if when she is holding the scissors there is some magnetic pull to her hair. Needless to say she received some punishment and I told her that the next time it happened I would just cut her hair off..... now... what do I do if she actually cuts it again?

I am sitting on the couch dreading tomorrow... my friend called and wants to go to the gym for spin at 6AM... what an ungodly hour during the summer. Then I teach from 9-2 at CJC... teach at the prison from 6-9 with an hour drive on either side of that one! I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head... calgon take me away... and we aren't even to Monday yet!

--jessica

Oh so sexy.....

Hubbie was sitting on the couch pestering me about needing some special time tonight....(you know what I mean) then I look up and see this. Makes ya wanna cuddle, huh?


He just looked over and told me how very wrong I was for posting this pic on my blog..... wahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Peek Inside Me Weekly

The challange from CheerioButt this week is to let people know what we look like first thing in the morning.... so here goes. Let me analyze it for you.... I forgot to wash my face last night... so I see mascara bags on top of the bags I always have. I look like I don't have any lips... which cracks me up... I guess I was holding them funny trying to figure out how to take my own picture. I see roots... time to call the hair guy again... but who wants to pay for that during the summer. Oh, and I am clothed... my daughter looked at the pic and said "you look like you only have a bra on"... I promise it's a tank top. And I won't even discuss the double chin that has developed over the years... I am hoping that it really isn't as bad as it looks... I hope it is the camera angle, or the fact that my arms were up or something. Can you say denile? Not to be left out... my kiddos wanted to be included in the fun. Here is Megan telling me what she thinks of mornings... which is not entirely honest... the child wakes up before 7 EVERYDAY (except Sunday because that is the day she is supposed to wake up!).
Here is Kali... also known as Kali Lou... she is not a morning person... we try not to even engage her in conversation before about 9:30AM... otherwise all we hear are whines... she starts kindergarten next year... won't that be fun for the teacher?
Well... here is your peek inside me... I got a bravery award for having the fullest couch from the challenge last week! My husband was SOOOOOOOOOOO proud of that award. HA!

TAG! YOUR IT! LET US PEEK INSIDE YOU!

--jessica

Suck it up!

Aren't ya'll sick of hearing about me wanting a FT job? I know I'm sick of complaining about it... so here is my new motto. I will be happy with whatever comes my way. The truth is I do not feel the Lord leading me in any other direction, nor are we starving because of the lack of a FT job for me. Things are fine the way they are... so basically I need to suck it up and quit getting my feelings hurt because things haven't gone my way! Wow... don't I sound so mature? If you only knew.....


I taught my first English class tonight... when i dismissed class I couldn't help thinking these poooooor kids... I mean, to go to college for English and discover your teacher really is a speech teacher who moonlights as an English teacher! Just Kidding... we had a good class and I think I might enjoy this English gig... shhhh.... don't tell hubbie... he said he couldn't be married to an English teacher....

--jessica