Do I keep it up?

I am an adjunct professor for three different colleges. Simply put, this means that I teach 1 class for WTC, 2 for MCM, and 3 for CJC. If all of these classes were at one school I would be full-time... but since schools seem to have some policy against hiring FT people... my life is a bit crazy.

A position was open yesterday at CJC... this morning I found out the GAVE the position to someone without even interviewing. The position I wanted at MCM may not even actually be a position... something about not rehiring the position.

I have sat in the floor and cried three different times about this situation... and I am tired of crying about it. I have prayed, I have waited, I have thought maybe I should move on to another career. I don't know what else to do. I know part of the problem is that I am in Abilene... where there never seem to be jobs that pay more than minimum wage. We could move... but we have a house and all of our family is here.

Here is the real kicker though... I was in the director's office at CJC talking about needing a job today... she basically said she wants to be can't... BUT 10 min later she found out she needed a class filled on TR nights... she looked at me and I said I would do it.... Why do I continue to be sooooo willing to throw my life into upheaval when they seem so unwilling to commit to giving me a job. It frustrates the crap out of me. The problem is that if I say no I might not get any classes and then where would I be? I guess some classes is better than none!

I have sat around today thinking of jobs I could do with my M.A. in Communication and my almost M.A. in English... here is what I have come up with so far....
1. Anything in sales... too bad those positions don't care what time my kids get home from school.
2. Bartending at my favorite dance club... second hand smoke might cause lung cancer and I'm pretty sure the club doesn't offer health insurance to cover that.
3. Manager at Wal-Mart... already spend tooooo much money there... wouldn't working there make it worse?
4. Newspaper reporter... really couldn't work for the Repeater News that we have locally.

The list goes on and on... including dancing at the nuddie club... but as I read I can see that frankly I have a bit of a bad attitude about it all. I want the job that I want... and unless I know God is leading me in another direction... one that will still allow me to be home when my kids get home from school I think I will just try to be patient and see what the Lord has in store for me. I am open to suggestions though... anyone got a job for me?

--jessica

Peer Pressure

Wow! You would think at 30 yrs old I would be past the point of succumbing to peer pressure... but no... apparently I'm not. I went to the pool today with some friends from church. When we were lathering up with sun screen my friend said "use this... you won't burn" and I used it even though I knew I needed to put at least 15spf on my legs for their first venture into the sun. Guess what... my legs could compete with a lobster. I am pretty sure they have never been this red in all my days as an adult. I say as an adult because as a teen I would lay out on the trampoline with a baby oil glaze to assist in the burn. Here is the sad part... I forgot to turn over... so only the front of my legs are red... I kindof look like a candy cane.

If that wasn't enough peer pressure... when it came time for adult swim my friends said "let's jump of the high dive"... and although I haven't done that since I was a kid I couldn't be outdone. I jumped... and jumped... and went down the slide... I did things at the pool that I have never done. Not that it wasn't fun... don't get me wrong... but I have been fighting a sinus infection for about 2 weeks... I think it is winning... and jumping off the high dive only managed to make my ears pop and somehow increase the sinus pressure.

I guess not all peer pressure is bad... I did have a good time... but next time someone says "use this..." I might have to reconsider the consequences.

The funniest part to me as I think about the day... is that my 8 yr old succumbed to peer pressure too... she jumped off the high dive for the first time ever. Go Megan!

--jessica

Kissing Cousins

My cousin Kim took my kiddos and hers after dinner with the intentions of going to the park. She stopped for a bit at her parents before going to the park. While at her parents house Brett (Kim's little boy) and Kali (my little girl) were fighting over some toy cell phone. The older sisters, Megan and Kelsey, told Brett and Kali to get into the closet and kiss... and the little ones did it.

I stayed calm when Kim told me about the kiss, but inside I was screaming. Kim seems to think that the big kids were telling the little kids to get in the closet and kiss as a means to get them to stop arguing... you know, the "I'll make you hold hands and kiss if you don't stop that" idea... but I am having a hard time swallowing that idea. I explained very calmly and firmly to the girls that if they EVER encouraged the little ones to kiss again I would personally tan their hides. Kim thought I was overreacting, but I have already had soooooo many problems with Kali kissing little boys that I couldn't let this pass. Not to mention I am certain that the big girls new better.

As I sit here on my couch thinking about how I could have handled it differently it just dawned on me... I got on to the big kids for telling the little ones to kiss... but I never got on to the little ones for following their instructions and kissing. Guess I will have take care of that in the morning! Can I call that a blonde moment?

--jessica

Adoption Celebration

For those new readers look here to catch up on what I am talking about.

Tonight is the night... the party to celebrate my adoption. My dad is absolutely giddy about it... in fact he has called me about 5 times just to make sure there isn't anyone he is forgetting. I told him I would invite my friends... so here goes... for my blogging friends that are in Abilene... or I guess you could come from OK Supermom but it would be an awfully long drive... we are celebrating tonight at Enrique's at 6pm. I would be honored if you come... I will warn you though... I come from a very large family... so... we have reserved a table for 30 or so people! It will definitely be a night you won't forget...

--jessica

Peek Inside Me

Cheerios on my butt has started a new campaign called 'Peek inside me' where each week we will show our true selves. This week's peek is our house and its messes. Supermom showed her messes... I guess I can show mine too.


The way our house is set up is that you walk in the front door and in front of you is the dining room, the living room is to the right and the kitchen is just past that... it is all one big room so furniture is what breaks it up. So... this first pic is the mess that greats you at the front door. I scrapbooked over a month ago and yet my crap hasn't found its way to my bedroom. Robert's computer desk is on the right... see the mess there. We all have a tendency to kick our shoes off when we walk in so you can see those hanging out too.
The real slob in the family is me... as you can see from this pic. See how clean his side of the cabinet is?

We have a sectional but there are currently only two places to sit because the rest is covered by laundry. If you look behind the couch you can see where the desk threw up. This is the play room... the kids are supposed to clean it up daily... this is what it looked like by 9am this morning.
The other side of the living room. My end table looks like it is growing paper... and look more scrapbooking crap.

We are having friends over for dinner tomorrow night so I have about 24 hrs to correct this mess and mow the yard. Yippee!!! That is what I call crunch time around here.

TAG! Your it.... let us peek inside if you dare. I don't know how to link yet so.... childrenandcheeriosontheloose.blogspot.com is where you need to go.

--jessica

Catching Up

Well... we now have survived 4 trips to the gym! Thanks for the words of encouragement! Today we did a step class... I do not know how people do that class and enjoy it. I thought I was going to die. I can honestly say that I enjoyed the spin class more than the step class... isn't that sad? I think the real reason is because I am so heavy that lugging my fat butt up onto the step is flat painful. Hopefully this will get easier as my butt gets lighter.

We are down to 5 puppies... two black, two brown, and one white. My girls are handling it better than I am... their response was "circle of life"... wow... how very different they are from me in some ways.

The teachers got cute flower shaped bowls with candy inside... so they can all have the weight issue I have.... whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Just kidding... the girls love to give candy... so that is what they gave. Besides, it had to be cheap because there were 8 people to buy for... 10 if you count the bus drivers that bring my children home daily.

My girls are officially done with school... we have already had spilled kool-aid... that the 5yr decided to make while I was in the bathroom... as well as 3 fights... hmmmm... wonder what our summer is going to be like?

--jessica

Owwwwwwww

One of my friends received a free gym membership and asked if I was interested in going along. Being the good friend that I am... or glutton for punishment... I agreed to check into it! We have attended the body pump class twice now... and my body is hurting in places that I didn't know existed. How is it that the result of a one hour class is a body that is unable to move freely? My walk has turned into some robot looking movement as my upper thighs seem unable to stretch on their own. My arms can no longer fully extend without help... why do people pay for this feeling? Will it get better? Today my overachieving friend wants to do the spin class... if I don't post tomorrow you'll know I didn't survive.

--jessica

New Life

When we moved out to the boonies I decided we needed dogs to keep us safe. We started with Boots & Socks (named this because their feet were white and it looked like they had shoes on). Over the months we collected a couple of strays, Max and B.J. Max didn't last long... he bit Kali. B.J. and Socks decided to eat the neighbors chickens... and well... enough said. So, that left us with Boots (who has yet to bark at a stranger, so there goes my theory of keeping us safe).

Boots is part lab and the other part great perinese and although she is a big dog... she wouldn't hurt a fly... just quail, mice, and rats. A couple of months ago she went into heat for the first time. For about a week, I would walk outside in the morning to find a different male dog in her doghouse...what a floozy! Ha Ha! I did a bit of research and found out that dogs can conceive by several different donors during heat... so I began to wonder what these puppies were going to look like.

The puppies came yesterday. First there was one... then three... we left for dinner and came back to see four... we went to bed and this morning there were six. Three black... one white... two brown. My husband is determined that we will give them all away... little does he know I am already a bit attached to them.

This has been a great learning lesson for my kids. They were sitting on the porch when babies two and three were born... so they saw them come out and how boots had to lick them clean. Boots hasn't left the porch since having the babies so the girls have gotten to see the devotion that a mother has to her newborns. We've discussed nursing and the likelihood that the smallest pup will not survive. All kinds of lessons lumped into these 6 little pups.

I will keep you posted on their progress...

--jessica

Advice

The thing that I love about having a blog is the advice that I get from people who are much wiser than I. With that said... here is what I need advice on....

My 8 yr old is a big girl. She is the tallest 2nd grader in her school and has the largest feet (these are facts she came home with after a physical fitness exam). She is a bit overweight... nothing to be concerned about according to her pediatrician. But... most of the weight is tummy weight. The result of this weight is that it makes it very difficult to buy her clothing. The clothes in her size are made for girls who are starting to develop curves, so when she tries the clothes on they accentuate her tummy. I try to buy stuff that I feel will be flattering as a means of bypassing the issue... but sometimes it doesn't work. I usually cover with some comment about the outfit not fitting correctly and she lets it go... tonight, she wanted to know what exactly I meant. How do you explain to an 8 yr old the importance of flattering clothes without her thinking I am saying she is fat?

I don't want to warp her... or make her think she is fat; I want to protect her because kids are mean and she has come home crying many, many times because the girls in her class said she was fat. She often makes comments about how she wishes she could be skinny like her little sister. My hubbie is 6'4"... so I know this will not last forever... one day we will wake up and she will be 6' tall with long legs and with her luck she'll even get the boobs that run in my family. But... what do I do now? Do I ignore it and buy her the clothes she wants... or do I keep trying to help her understand how to dress to disguise (because isn't that what we as women do everyday)?

--jessica

Possible Job

When I graduated from ACU 2 yrs ago I just knew that I would walk across the stage and find a job. It didn't happen... I have worked for 3 schools part-time at the same time and it is killing me. There is a position open at MCM and I want it. I am struggling, though, because I have said all along that things happen on God's time... soooo... is it God's time, yet? If I don't get the job is God telling me I'm not ready for a full-time job or that I need to leave the education world? Is God waiting for me to grow up, to be more faithful? Is this a lesson in patience? What am I supposed to learn from this situation? The situation brings me to tears everytime I think about it. It is hard to not have negative self-thoughts when you can't find a job. I can be logical... I am in Abilene and there are just nooooo jobs here... but at the same time... what is sooo wrong with me that I can't find a job? AUGH! Do you see my predicament?

I am sorry this post is not so organized...but... what I am asking for is prayers in this situation. I would like to be so bold as to ask ya'll to pray that I get the position... but truthfully... I am still a strong believer that God is in control... so I just ask for prayers about the situation. If I am meant to have the job... it will happen... if I am not meant to have the job... it won't happen... and then I will be asking for prayers for the nervous breakdown I will have if I fail at this too! HA HA HA See... same ole Jessica... I can laugh at the insanity that is my life!

--jessica

PS. Pool opens in 3 days!

A Family....

Every year the women in my family (19 this year) go on a retreat to Mo Ranch in Hunt, TX. There are no televisions, no cell phones (no reception at least), no children (unless babies) and no husbands. The trip gives us an opportunity to get to know each other... and it is often the only time we get to see each other in a year. Here are a few of the great moments of the trip:

I got to ride down with my cousin's wife (Brooke) again this year. We got to Tuscola and saw this cute little convertible bug and Brooke suggested that we turn around and go get her Dad's porche. Who could say no to that?! It made the trip even more fun... driving down the road in a black, convertible porsche. We cracked up as we looked through her Dad's CD collection... one of the CD's had "Your so Vain" on it. So fitting as we drove down the road in the porsche. At least we knew that the people looking our way were looking at the porsche and not us!

This is the first year that we went in May... which means it was the first year that the water was warm enough for us to go. Mo Ranch has this huge slide... 38' high... that we stare at each year and say we want to try. This year we had no excuses... we did it. Well... only 6 of us did it... but I was one of the 6. It was awesome! Glad we did it... won't do it again. I hate the feeling of water going up my nose and I think half of the river went up my nose as I skidded across the water on the little board. You can see the slide at moranch.com... its called the MO-Slide! HA

We sat around both nights until midnight or later. It made for great conversation! I learned so much from these women that I only see once or twice a year. I got great marriage, parenting, and spiritual advice from women who have done it before and were very honest about their own screw ups! Our new motto... what happens at Mo Ranch stays at Mo Ranch! One of my cousin's was telling us that as she loaded the car her husband said "all ya'll do is talk about us"... if he only knew!

Our retreat is in honor of my great grandma... Maggie... and we refer to ourselves as Maggie's girls. Great-grandma was a women we should all strive to be like. Family was important to her, and before she passed she made her children promise to continue having family reunions. The women in the family took her idea a step farther and started this retreat. We have done it for about 6 years (I think!). Our motto for next year is "we take the party with us" so... that should tell you what our trip is like. Can't wait until next year!

The pictures below are of the different generations.

Off to Hunt

Every year the women in my family get together for a weekend of no TV, no kids, and no cell phones. This is the weekend. So... I am about to load up in the car and drive to Hunt, TX for a time of relaxation. Hope everyone has a great mother's day...

--jessica

What do you think?

I was at dinner tonight with some fellow teachers from McM...we began a chat about our students and their use of facebook... as well as our own blogs. The conversation crossed over into legal things you wouldn't think about... like... did you know it is against the law to post someone's picture without their permission?

So... now I am deleting my last post with the adorable pics of my friend's new twins.... at least until I have time to ask if it is ok. But... keep her and her babies in your prayers... the babies are doing ok... but at 4 1/2 pounds each things could change.

On a totally unrelated note... we got into a discussion of STD's and teaching your children about sex.... one of the professors informed me that nursing homes have the fastest rising cases of AID's and other STD's. WHAT?!!? I asked for his source... frankly, I thought he was making it up... but he gave me one that sounded credible and his wife was sitting there agreeing with him. I guess I hadn't thought about what people do with their spare time in the nursing home. HMMMMMM.......

--jessica

Love

I met a family yesterday, while waiting for the school bus, that has 9 foster children. I asked their ages and had an immediate "ah ha" moment. A little girl, who is exceptionally mean to Megan on the bus, is part of this giant foster family. Armed with this information, I gently explained to Megan that she needed to be nice to this girl... that the girl wasn't nice as a means of protecting herself from more hurt etc etc etc... all the things I've learned in school. I explained that this little girl didn't have parents who loved her... and Megan's face said it all... it was the "well neither do I look." I asked her if she felt like she wasn't loved and she answered truthfully with a "sometimes" as she began to cry. It was time to get on the bus... it was about to pull away... but I did my best to assure her that I do love her... as does her father.

Here is my struggle... I know that I am guilty of not being the most loving mom....I yell, I am impatient, I don't like to be touched or to touch... but I am not the worst mom ever. I was adopted because my mother let strange men beat the crap out of me... surely I am a better mom than that. I really don't know how to fix this... HELP! I did buy her a heart locket today and a sappy card and I am going to sit her down and explain to her that we do love her and I am sorry our lives have been so hectic that she has felt otherwise, but the necklace is to remind her of our love... even when she isn't feeling it. Any other suggestions?

--jessica

ESL Class

Yesterday I ate lunch with a friend and her mother, and in the middle of lunch we got into a discussion about immigration and ESL classes. The discussion started because I am taking an How to Teach ESL class that, frankly, I have no intentions of using... and still have 3 projects to complete before tonight. Anyway, the mom had plenty to say about closing the borders. My friend cracked me up as she put her hands over her ears and said "I'm not listening...."

This is how I feel about the entire immigration debate....I'm not listening... I did that presentation last week over immigration law reform and learned soooooo much about what is really happening. The White House says reform is about safety after 9/11. The organizations against reform suggest that it is about money.... and I found lots of statistics showing how many illegals use 'the system' for health care and housing. BUT...did you know that if the reform passes it will cost immigrants 2000$ to go through the naturalization process? That's a lot of money... in my book and in my opinion, it would make people less likely to attempt to become legal.
Other random thoughts in the debate:
In the legislation it actually makes crossing the border illegally a crime... I thought it already was... isn't that why we call it ILLEGAL? Another part of the reform is that illegals, when caught, will be returned to their hometowns because they will be less likely to travel back across if they are returned home. I have a student here as a permanent resident... she was born in Mexico and is working towards citizenship... and she said that when border patrol returns them to their hometown the government has them publicly beaten... odds are they CAN'T make another run for the border.
This issue is not something that is going to go away anytime soon... and I do think it is our civic responsibility to understand what the real issues are... not just what the evening news is spouting. After doing that project I am not so sure I can back the reform that is being suggested. Then again, as a Christian and a person whose ancestors came over on a boat... I'm not sure I can back the reform.

Ok... sorry for my rant... this is where my brain goes at 5:45am when I have 3 projects to complete before 6pm tonight. Any thoughts?
--jessica

Random Thoughts

My husband is in the playroom with the girls right now... painting their toenails. I love that he is willing to do that for them... and they love it to. Their pedicures are the reward they get for cleaning their rooms without too much drama. Their rooms took a total of 6 hrs to clean. When I say clean I should clarify that I wanted them mommy kind-of clean... everything in its place... which usually takes forever to get done. It normally isn't so bad, but since school has been so hectic I am pretty sure the rooms haven't been deep cleaned since Christmas break. Now... if I can just convince them to maintain the clean rooms and then we won't have to suffer through this again.

Yesterday I went to Target and my oldest daughter proceeded to tell me that I had not bought her anything in soooooooooo long... I must not love her. WHAT?!! I gently reminded her that in the past 2 months I have managed to buy each of them 5 new church outfits as well as t-shirts and capris. How easy she forgets the arguments I have had with her father over money spent that he deems unnecessary. My heart hurts when she says things like that... especially when I feel like I do a lot for them that they do not appreciate. Any advice out there for how to handle this attitude?

--jessica

Adoption Day!

I have a court appearance in the morning... no I didn't get another ticket... my step-dad is adopting me. He has to get on the stand and testify that he will never disown me and that he will be responsible for me... does this mean I could move back home? Willy has been my dad since I was 8 yrs old...now I'm 30... this is just making official what has always been. The girls have always know him as granddad... but now he really will be.

For the last two weeks, my dad has been absolutely giddy about all of this... I am glad he is so excited. He even wants to send out announcements and he is planning some big party to celebrate. I keep joking with him that he is worse than a woman.

So here's the next question... Dad, can I have some money?

--Jessica

It is Over!

For those who have followed my blog faithfully you are well aware of my struggle with my research paper this semester. Well... it is finished! I turned it in and I am quite thankful to have completed it with 2hrs to spare. (That is what I call procrastination!)

As I did the research I had one of those "ah ha moments" that I sometimes get. I believe that the debate between the stay-at-home mother and the working mother is mainly a figment of the media's imagination. I really think the conflict that is happening is the conflict between each and every one of us. I ask myself daily if I am making the right choices... if I am doing a good job... if my kids are going to be screwed up because of something I have done. I never think "oh what a bad mom, she works all the time" or "that poor kid whose mom stays home." I work part-time so I kind-of have the best of both worlds...but that doesn't work for everyone and who am I to judge how others do it. So... my solution is that we pay less attention to the television and what they suggest is a problem... and be more supportive of each other.

Now... on to the 40min presentation on immigration due for a class Thursday night!

--Jessica