RESPECT...

My counselor suggested a book this morning... for women only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men. As is my tendency, I brought the book home and have immersed myself in it, hoping to find wisdom and knowledge that will fix my marriage! Ch 1 was just a summary of what was to come... chapter 2: Your love is not enough is where the words of wisdom and the stepping of toes started for me! So... here are my afterthoughts from ch 2...

WOW! Who knew respect was sooo freakin' impt to the male species... I certainly didn't... or wait... maybe I did and that is why the little voice in the back of my head yelled "STOP...DON'T SAY IT" every time I started to say something negative or disrespectful about or to my husband. But, of course, I said whatever rude thing it was that I had to say, because I knew better and besides, should I really be listening to the voices in my head? The problem with all of this is something that I hadn't really considered... "feelings often follow words or actions"... so, for every disrespectful word I said about my husband I only furthered my disrespect of him in my own brain and heart. And honestly, can you love a man you do not respect? See the vicious cycle here?

The chapter talks alot about respecting your husband's judgement in matters of the home...which to me, means kids, finances, etc, etc. Ick... this is where the toe stepping started for me. When Robert and I got married, I deemed him incompetent of taking care of such things as finances etc. I mean, I had lived on my own for a year and he was moving straight from his mother's house to mine. When we had children, I was the mother and I made the decisions... I mean, what man really knows how to raise a child? geesh! Anyway, the result of all of this is 13 yrs of disrespect towards my husband. And let me mention here that there have been many times that Robert tried to take control of the finances, or tried to help with the children... and what did I do??? I did exactly what the book says not to do... I, in so many words, told him he was incompetent and emasculated him... sometimes in front of his friends and often in front of mine. (Are your toes hurting yet? Cuz mine are killing me!)

My ADHD mind is all over the place right now, and I'm probably making no sense whatsoever, but here are the main points from the chapter... I feel like I'm doing a book report, by the way...
1. Respect his judgement...
2. Respect his abilities...
3. Respect in communication...
4. Respect in public...
5. Respect in our assumptions...

I have failed miserably in all 5 of these categories of respect and as I thought about the examples she posted, I could see how my friends are failing miserably too! And honestly, it's no wonder that the marriage failure rate is 50% in this country.... ugh... and ouch... when off the top of my head I can come up with 10 examples of disrespect that I have seen in the last two days by people with happy marriages! Anyway, I'll post another blog about the next chapter I am sure... but for now I need to apologize to my hubs about some specific things of disrespect I have done...

The date I never thought would happen...

Here are the pics from my camera of date nite! We had a good time and we are both excited of the possibilities...

Pic from our date...

Here are the flowers the date started with!

Pic from our date

It's a little blurry....but here's the pic from our date! I love how
we matched! :)

Date Night

Tonight is the night...it is the night that I go on a date with my
husband for the first time since we separated. I am not sure why, but
I have all the butterflies I had when I first met him...and I think
that is great! We are going to eat dinner and then going to the Roger
Creager concert...keep your fingers crossed and your prayers lifted
that all goes well tonight!

Sent from my iPhone

Possibilities...

Robert and I had a long talk tonight and we are going to give it one more try... please keep us in your prayers as we go through this process. He is not moving back in or anything dramatic... we are starting slow.. with a date at the end of the week! =)

Ugh... the joy of summer...

Kali just came up to me with a balloon all blown up and decorated.... she told me it was a balloon punching bag of Megan... does that tell you how our summer is going! How much longer til school starts?

Divorce/Marriage Counseling...

About to walk out the door for divorce/marriage counseling with Robert. Not sure how I feel about it all. I mean, it's too late to undo the damage and I'm certainly not willing to just move on right now... so the Lord only knows how this appointment is going to go... ugh...

wait, by move on... I don't mean I'm not ready to start my new life... I am ready to start my new life... I meant I'm not dumb enough to think that both of us have changed in any ways that would make our marriage succeed... sorry if that is cynical... just not feeling it today...

Summer....

Geesh... I stop updating my blog and people nag me about it... man alive... I didn't even realize people were still reading! =)

Anyway, I'm having a difficult time knowing what to post on my blog now... I mean, so many of my friends have disapproved of the choices I have made over the last year... so if I post about going on a date or something like that I am likely to offend... And I know y'all don't want to hear about the drama that is divorce... Right?

Oh well.. I'll just do a short update of what is happening in our life...
1. I keep having to ground Megan from reading... she would sit in her room 24/7 and never move... cannot have that... the girl has got to learn to be active...
2. Found out on Sunday that Robert is dating someone from Louisiana... although he denies that he has a gf... it is hard to think of her as anything else when he traveled to houston to see her...
3. I have gone on a few dates... some were good... some were bad... but all in all they all have made me realize dating STINKS!!!
4. I am enjoying summer like crazy... lots of concerts... lots of dancing... loots of fun with friends!!
5. I need a part-time job to pay my bills this summer...

Ok.. ok.. there is a little something... at least until I wake up from my nap...

What a weekend...

Wow! That's about as creative as I can get regarding this weekend! It was rough! Last week, my friends father passed away unexpectedly! John and his wife Jessica have been my friends since high school and we all hung around the same crowds in school. So.... that meant that there were a lot of people I hadn't seen since high school in town. It was weird to sit in the living room Saturday night with the boys that I adored in high school and to see how they had changed. Needless to say, there was a bit of what if going through my mind.... thankfully, all of the what ifs ended with ewwwww thoughts, so I'm safe! =)

In about 3 hrs I will be sitting in day surgery at Hendrick waiting for my tonsillectomy to begin. I went to the dr last week with another stinkin' sore throat and Dr. King decided they were icky and should come out! I'm fine with it, because I'm sooooo sick of having sore throats, but I also know this surgery is one that adults really have a hard time with! So...keep me in your prayers! My mommy and several friends are going to babysit me... let's hope I remember to be nice and that I survive the many, many days of no conversation!

The cross

Ladies retreat is something that I look forward to every year...this
year, I knew it would be rough and I knew that I had to go, but I'm
not sure I knew how much I needed to be here. In fact, as I write this
blog, I'm thinking about each of these woman and what they bring to
the retreat! There's the older generation...the one my gma belonged
to...these woman have experienced more life than I will ever know and
have a faith in the Lord that amazes me. When I listen to what they've
overcome, I am truly in awe. The next generation is my mom's
generation! This group of women have been through sooooo much, as
well, and yet they laugh like there have been no bad times. And then,
there's my generation. What a combination we are...there's the college
instructor, the real estate rookie, the ex-meth addict, the stay at
home mom, and the college student...all from the same gene pool, and
yet so many different walks of life.I find it very interesting that the ones that seem to have it the most together is the oldest generation...my grandmas sisters. Why is this?

What is so different about that generation? Is it their faith in the
Lord? Is it the wisdom that comes with age? Maybe I'll figure it out
before I come home tomorrow! What I do know, is that I'm sitting at the foot of the cross...the cross at the Chapel on the Hill... in solitude... Wondering what my
life is going to look like this time next year. I'm questioning the
decisions I have made and the road I am on. And yet, although I'm
filled with these questions, I am filled with a peace that can only
come from knowing Him. For no matter what mess I make of my life, He
loves me more than I'll ever know. And maybe that is the lesson I was
supposed to learn on this retreat...that through Him all things are
possible...that I need to let Him carry me...or as Dana taught at
ladies retreat, I need to let Him lead in this dance called life.

Ok...back down the mountain I go before the family starts looking for
me!
Sent from my iPhone

Productivity...

In celebration of the ending of the semester, I have done a whole lotta nothin' this week... and now it is catching up to me! I leave to go to Hunt, TX this afternoon for our annual Smith Family Ladies Retreat and have entirely too much to do before 3pm. There is laundry to do before I can pack... There are dishes to be done, so my house doesn't smell when I get back... and oh yeah, haven't gotten anyone to feed the dogs while I'm gone! Hmmm... better work on that... oh and did I mention the grass needs to be mowed, but I can't get the mower started??? Hmmm... oh well... if I have learned anything over the last few months, is that I can't do it all... so I guess what I get done, I get done... the rest will wait until Sunday! 

Wrapping up a semester...

About to head off to teach my last class of the semester! I love my job, but the end of the semester is always rough! I hate to see my kiddos go! I mean, I start the semester with the idea that these are my students... not my responsibility.... but by the end of the semester I have counseled them on relationships, lectured them on the perils of drinking and oversleeping, and listened to them  cry over their mistakes! So... needless to say... the end of the semester is like saying goodbye to my own children! The kids walking across the stage on Saturday are from the first semester that I taught at Mcm... I am soooo excited for them and the opportunities that they have ahead of them... and yet sad because my kids are leaving the nest! Needless to say, if I make it to graduation Saturday, I will need to bring tissues!!! 

Oh... and the if I make it to graduation part is due to the sinus infection that I have the is kicking my butt!!! It has settled into my chest, so I keep trying to cough up a lung! Needless to say, I don't want to get anyone else sick, nor do I want to sit on the hot stage in graduation garb while coughing up my lungs! Oh well.... maybe I won't catch the swine flu if I skip graduation! haha!

Life goes on...

EDIT: Felt much better after I wrote all of this and had a good cry... amazing how that works! 

You know, when I started this blog it was a place for me to go to express my emotions and concerns. It was therapeutic for me to write and I used it to process what was going on in my life. As time has passed, though, I have blogged less and less and struggled more and more with making sense of my life... sooooo.... guess it's time to start with the blogging again! 

I have several things weighing me down today... so here goes.. 

1. My niece McKenzie is in the hospital at cooks and there is a good chance that she is not going to come home. For those unfamiliar with McKenzie, she is my brother's child and she is special needs. She had open heart surgery about two weeks ago and they have had to 'go back in' for complications twice now. Because she has had to be intubated 3 times in the last two weeks, they have discovered that her trachea is oval instead of round. Not sure what that means, other than it's not normal, and apparently there is a flap that is staying open somewhere and she is on a ventilator until further notice. Anyway... the short of it is that Kenz is about to end up with a trach and the likelihood of her making it much longer is decreasing rapidly. My mom and I have struggled with all of this because honestly, Kenz is not going to have much of a life as she is mentally and physically handicapped just like her sister Alyssa. So... is this a blessing in disguise???? I know that I have no control over this situation... but I pray for Ashley (Kenzie's mom)... for her strength to handle whatever is coming... and I pray that my little brother doesn't flake out as he so often does... 

2. My second concern... my grandpa has set a wedding date of Sept 12th. This is very difficult for my family. I have remained quiet and tried to think happy thoughts about it, but I'm getting the impression that my Uncles are not doing the same! We all loved my gma very much and seeing gpa move on sooooo quickly is rough...especially since we do not know this woman very well! My mom has cried every time I have spoken to her about it and the woman NEVER cries! I get that gpa needs companionship... I do get it... and it isn't fair for us to tell him he has to be alone just because we are all still morning gma... but seriously... it won't have even been a year! My mom and I have joked that Jennie (the girlfriend) hasn't actually been to a family get together yet.... she may change her mind when she sees gpa's 5 kids and 17 grandchildren in one location.

3. DIVORCE SUCKS... plain and simple... DIVORCE SUCKS... I mean, it doesn't matter how amicable I would like things to be... there is simply no way around bitterness, hurt, and tears. If we aren't having conflict over time, money, or the children, then we are fighting over stupid crap like bookshelves and china. Then there is the whole pointing fingers crap... who hurt whom the worst, etc. The truth is, Robert and I have both done things to hurt the other... it SUCKS... but it is the truth! Most of our relationship was reactionary to the pain we felt from some behavior or treatment the other was exhibiting and we never could seem to get it together in terms of both wanting to fix things at the same time! So now... we move on... we split our crap and hope we can do better apart than together! I watched "17 Again" with the girls this weekend and it was a rough movie to see with all that is going on. I won't give the movie away, but basically it is about having the chance to do it all again... to walk away from a decision you made at 17.... and how life would have been different. Wow... let's just say I cried. As much as I say I wouldn't have done things the same... I probably would have... I did love Robert the way an 18 yr old loves another... but I did love him... and I have two wonderful children that I wouldn't have had without that relationship. I just wish that we had done better by each other and for each other... 

4. Ok... and the last whine about why my life is overwhelming me today... this has been the worst semester of my entire teaching experience... and has made me really want to consider my career field! Between my ADD, depression, various illnesses and the divorce, I have been unable to give it my all. Add to that the fact that this semesters kids have been downright lazy and unmotivated, it is turning out to be a miserable semester! I had my shining starts... the students who will be a part of my life years from now... but for the most part I just want to post grades and never see some of these kids again! How sad is that??? I have 3 CJC courses for a beginning total of 76 students... of that 76... only 36 or so will finish out the semester! My MCM classes were a little better, but I have had more excuses about why stuff isn't completed on time than any other time in my life! It truly does suck to be on this end of it and know that I will be recording more F's than any other time in my life! I asked my students to write me a paragraph about the grade they think they deserved in my class... most of them were pretty honest and realistic... but I was amazed that some of my worst students felt that they still deserved an A in my class! Let's talk about taking responsibility for our actions... please??? Grr!!! Two more classes and I am done with the semester... two more classes and I am done with the semester... two more... 

5. Ok... maybe that wasn't the last... I miss my friends. I miss the people I teach with that won't speak to me now because I left my husband. I miss my church friends that I don't see, because he got the church in the split. I am not friendless, by any means, there have been many people who have stepped up to be a support system for me... people I didn't even know that I can count on like I do... and I love that... but I still miss those old friends too (and their kids)! Not sure how to change much of that... I mean, I'm not going back to the church and everyone is so busy... guess I'll just have to hope they all join the pool this summer! Oh and did I mention that my new bestest friend thinks she is leaving me for some stupid job that her hubs might take in Virginia... grrr... 

Ok... I think that about does it... sorry it is such a depressing post... I'll try to post something a little more positive when I am not sitting on the couch crying... I do know that life goes on and this is just a passing phase... I am still sick as a dog and that can't be helping my mental/emotional capabilities right now! So... I am going to take a deep breath, say a prayer, and get busy purging my house for a garage sale that I am going to have to have in order to make ends meet this month.... 

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Hugs! 

Signs...

Not going to be a long post... 

Found a gray hair this morning... this is not ok... 

Florida

I'm sitting on the FSU campus waiting for Keith and Staci to finish
practicing and I'm amazed by the trees around me! The Spanish moss is
beautiful!

Is it ever going to settle down???

As is my pattern lately, here is my weekly update! Here is a picture of my one eyed dog... I love my Yogi and I'm glad that he is doing well. He went to work with me all of last week, but I left him home this morning... it was hard! 

I went to a church retreat this weekend that was pretty amazing. For those of you from Abilene, you probably know Dana Mayhall... Dana is an amazing woman of God as is her sister Denise, and the two of them led the retreat! It was about the dance of life with God as your partner. It was amazing... stepped on my toes a little, because I have hijacked the lead from God a few times... but it was much needed! I got to see friends that I have missed and overall it was pretty good! 

On Sunday, I went to the Easter Pageant that Pioneer Drive Baptist Church does every year! It was amazing as always, but my grandpa brought his girlfriend. This was the first time that I met this woman and he's been dating her for about 3 months.... mind you, grandma died end of October last year! Anyway, I cried more from seeing him hold her hand and have his arm around her than I did for the Easter Pageant. I even cried on the way home over it! Then to make matters worse, I was talking to Mom last night and she informed me that Gpa is probably getting married in September! I have already had my meltdown, so I'm better now, but it was alot to take in. I did have a friend give me a 'you're being a brat' lecture last night and he was right... I am being a brat... but Gma and Gpa together is all I have ever known and I'm not really ready to see Gpa happy with someone else. Anyway... lots of thoughts to process there... and I will get used to the idea eventually! Grr! 

Only four days til I leave for Florida... I think I'm going to need this vacation more than anyone knows.. 

My life...

Ok, this is going to be one of those utterly bitchy posts... I can't help myself.. I have to get it out and that was the original point of this blog. This has probably been one of the worst days of my life... at least top 10! 

On Saturday, Kali went to a skating party and fell down. She landed on her wrist and since it was Robert's weekend, he dealt with it... you know, put ice, gave advil... etc. etc. Well, she came home last night and the swelling was pretty bad, so I decided we would go to the dr today! 

Now to this morning... we wake up at 7:30 because I forgot to set my alarm. Then I hear Megs yell from the other room that there is something wrong with Yogi's eye. Being in a hurry, I totally forgot that she said something was wrong. :( Then, we are almost ready to go and I look at Yogi... his eye was protruding from it's socket! PROTRUDING FROM THE SOCKET! I totally lost it... called Robert to be told it wasn't his problem anymore... in fact he suggested the 22 in the closet. I finally got it together enough to get dressed and take him to the vet, and the vet says he will be fine... he will just be the one eyed yogi! 

So after leaving Yogi at the vet, I ran by Dr. Martin's office and they wrote the x-ray request. I get to the x-ray place and the woman looks at me like I'm scary (which made me realize that I looked like crap... my hair was a little madusa like in a headband, no make-up on except for the mascara that was streaming down my streaks and Kali hadn't  brushed her hair)! Anyway, then she tells me that the fall might not be covered because it didn't happen at the house... apparently skating is dangerous! Grr! 

The x-ray went smoothly, and although it was broken no cast was necessary! The dr sent us on our way in search of a wrist brace that immobilizes it! Easier said than done.. took alllll afternoon to find that! Finally ended up at the medical supply store! 

Anyway, needless to say... this day has been long! My head hurts... my brain isn't working correctly... Kali is whining about the brace... the dog is still at the vet... and all I really want to do is go back to bed... but instead I get to go teach a class! 

Ok... complaints done... now to put on my happy pants!!! Or to at least try... 

I have seriously got to work on updating my blog more often. I spend so much time on facebook, I often forget about my blog, which is really sad, because writing is very therapeutic for me! The last few weeks have passed in quite the blur. Robert is officially out and we are all on a schedule now. There are still some kinks to work out with the running of the kids, but it will be worked out as time goes. There are decisions to still be made about the  best way to do some things, but overall I think we are handling it pretty well! Thanks to those who have been praying for us! 

Now to a question I have of you readers... another reason I haven't been updating often is because I don't have a clue who reads my blog anymore... and I don't really know what is safe to say and what isn't. So... please drop me a line and let me know you've been reading... don't just lurk... 

 

A long day ahead...

I was told yesterday, by my mother, that I was going to see my grandpa today. I love my gpa, but this is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I mean, to go to grandpa's means that I have to think about gma, and to think about gma brings lots of sadness and tears. So, anyway, keep me in your thoughts today... I'm already crying just thinking about it, so this ought to be fun! 

Padre

Well spring break has officially started and mine is off to a great
start! A couple of friends and I decided Friday morning to go to South
Padre for a couple of days! As I type this I am laying all by myself
by the pool and loving it! We went out last night for dinner and a
little dancing... Needless to say it was interesting!!! We have a trip
to Mexico planned this afternoon, but may chicken out and just stay by
the pool! Anyway, I hope everyone has a great weekend...see you Monday!

Sent from my iPhone

Question of the day...

Can someone please tell me why it is that every morning when I go to take my shower I have to hunt down a clean towel first? I mean, when I get out of the shower I dry off and hang my towel back up to dry... so why isn't it there the next morning when I go to take my shower? Is there some type of towel fairy that comes every night to take my used towel... like the tooth fairy? Hmmm... 

On a completely unrelated note, I have 50 students at CJC that I teach. This week was informative speech week... of the 50 students I heard 22 speeches... isn't that exciting? SLACKERS!

Question...

Ok, so I have a church question... and since I know most of my readers from church, hopefully someone will put in their two cents....

I went to a new church on Sunday.... I really enjoyed the music and the sermon... but there were some things that I haven't really decided about yet. I will go back a few times before I judge, but I just wanted to know what ya'll think...

The church had a prayer time, much like the garden of prayer that Southern Hills did when we attended there. The only difference was that it was men and women (no problem there for me).... but the preacher's wife was anointing people and praying over them and then she approached a mother on the front row and asked if she could pray over the woman's children. Ummmm... what was she doing??? I mean, I have always gone to conservative Southern Baptist or Church of Christ congregations... so I just have never seen this before.... not sure what to think. In addition to this, there was much discussion about being healed. Not sure how I feel about that either. I mean, I would like to believe that God works much like he did in biblical days and there are people who have the ability to call upon God's power to heal... but what do ya'll think?

Anyway, I'm not one to judge... just not sure what to think... and really not sure what to tell Megs about it, because she went with me! So... two cents anyone?

Catching Up...

I swear, I have more posts with the title of 'Catching Up' or 'Update'... I need to get more creative! Anyway...

The last few weeks have been quite the challenge... my lack of posting was not for a lack of desire to post or even for lack of content, but instead, was from lack of freedom to post. You'll understand more in a minute...

Robert and I have decided to separate and begin the process of divorcing. It has been a little over two years since our first separation and it seems that we are right back to where we started two years ago... well, not exactly... less drama... but the same emotionally. The plan right now is for him to move into an apartment as soon as our income tax return comes in and we will share the children much like we did last time.

I have really struggled with posting this information, not because I don't want anyone to know, but instead because of the "helping words of advice" that people offer so freely. Since the decision was originally made, I have had my mental stability, my faith and salvation, my ability as a mother, and my sobriety questioned. Some of those questions came from my own mother. All that said, I appreciate your concern... I appreciate your prayers... but please know that we are not doing this lightly.

Our decision may seem like an impulsive decision to those who don't talk to me daily, but for those who have been in my house at all in the last 6 months, you know that this is what has to happen right now. Robert and I cannot live together in peace and harmony... we do not love each other the way a husband and wife should... nor do we respect each other. Since the decision was made to separate, we both feel like a huge weight has been lifted from our shoulders and are each excited (for our own reasons) about what the future holds.

Insomnia

It is 4am, and I have been awake since 2am. I didn't even try to sleep until midnight. I have been laying in bed staring at the sleeing for a while... I have counted sheep... I have done relaxation exercises... nothing is working. Honestly, the last night I can remember getting more than 4 hours sleep was a couple of weeks ago, and I wasn't even in my own home. Any magical solutions would be much appreciated... I'm not sure how much longer I can survive on so little sleep!

Busy, busy, busy

Sorry for the absence... I'm turning into one of those people that I used to pick on all the time for not being consistent in their blogs. The semester is in full swing now, and life is a little crazy. Who knew that between kids and school, life could be sooo busy! Oh well, I love it! I did take a weekend for myself and go see a friend over the weekend that I have known since I was 12... it was amazing and I think I will have to make that trip more frequently! Ok, off to teach another class... I will try to post a more lengthy blog later...

Productivity...

When the semester started, I swore I was going to be more productive. I was going to limit the time doing the 'extras' that I find so enjoyable on the computer and really focus on getting work done... well... it hasn't exactly happened! There are several reasons why and I can justify every single one of them, but it doesn't change that I'm not being nearly as productive as I thought I was going to be... oh well... surely catching up with long, lost friends on facebook is just as important as reading my text books...right??? Besides, I've taught 4 semesters out of the book... I've got it down... snicker, snicker!!!! Anyway, how many of you are sticking to your resolutions???

Regrets...

I have spent the last couple of days thinking about regrets. Can you pinpoint one decision that changed the rest of your life? Did you know immediately it was the wrong decision, or did it take a few years to figure it out? I made a decision, when I was 16 years old, that I regretted almost immediately, but as quickly as I figured out what I had done wrong, the opportunity to correct the decision was lost. Eventually, the pain associated with the decision lessened, but I don't think it ever really went away and I always wondered what could've been. Two days ago, I was reminded in a very big way that decisions we make when we are 16 can forever change the course of your life... and as I have watched my students over the last couple of days I want to stand on my desk and tell them to think before they act, because if I could undo that decision I would... In fact, I would give just about anything to reverse my actions, but it is impossible and the damage may never be reversed. I am hopeful, although it probably doesn't sound like it, that I am wrong... that things can begin anew after 16 years... the the wrong can be made right... but I will just have to keep you posted on that! Good night my friends... I hope that everyone finds their weekend to be restful... and their dreams to be answered!

Students

I signed on to teach an 8am class at CJC this semester...I'm not sure
what I was thinking! They say it gets easier, but I'm not convinced!
I'm definetly feeling for the people who do the real world hours
everyday! I'm going to need a nap after my 1pm class!

Sent from my iPhone

First Day of Classes...

Today is the first day of classes for the Spring semester! WOoHoo! One of the things that I love about teaching college is that I get to start over every semester! These new students don't know anything about me, so I could totally recreate myself! (Wait... they only know what their friends have told them...) Anyway, I'm too lazy to recreate myself each semester, but it did get me to wishing I could call 'do over' in real life! I mean, I have my moments, we all do, where I have done something insensitive and hurt someone I care about, or done something that I know is going to haunt me later in ways that I couldn't have guessed! I am struggling right now with the loss of a friendship. We both screwed up, but for me the loss is always a little bit harder because of my upbringing. I wish I had a 'do over' but that would erase my stupid actions over the last semester and make things all better! But... there are no 'do overs' and I will learn from my actions and move on... but it still sucks!

BTW, this grown up time schedule thing is killing me! It is noon and I want a nap so bad I can't stand it!

Funerals...

I am going to a funeral this morning that I don't really want to go to... not because I don't love the person who passed away, but because the grief from my gma's death is still fresh and this woman was my gma's best friend for many years. For those of you who live in Abilene, you have probably seen footage of the wreckage from the accident earlier this week. My Great Aunt Joyce was driving and her mother, Grandma Reed, was sitting in the passenger seat. Aunt Joyce pulled out in front of oncoming traffic that she couldn't see and Grandma Reed was killed instantly. Joyce is at Harris Hospital in Ft Worth with a broken nose, broken ribs, a huge gash above her eye and is recovering physically... however, emotionally she is not doing so great. In her eyes, she killed her mother! The rest of the family has assured her that it was Gma Reed's time to go, but Joyce is struggling. Please keep that family and mine in your prayers today as we struggle through this service. Aunt Bev is singing in the funeral and I can only imagine how difficult that will be... I don't think I could've sang at my gma's funeral! Thanks for the prayers...

Hi!

Sorry for my repeated absences... it has been an interesting break but nothing I thought ya'll would want read about! =)

We celebrated the New Year by 'going dancing'... which is my favorite late night activity but not my husband's. I'm sure we will reach a point where he will tell me we can't go anymore... but I hope not because I would probably just find a substitute! (JK...) ANyway, I had a blast and saw tons of people that I have grown up with! The only uncomfortable part of the evening was the clothing that people choose to wear... I wanted to take them aside and tell them that their outfits were neither appropriate or attractive! I bit my tongue though!

After the dancing we came home and played Rock Band until 2am and watched a movie til 4am...I think I'm toooooo old to stay up that late, because I was a big ole grouch when my kids came home at 10am! blah!

Anyway, I hope everyone has had a great first 6 days of the year, I'll post more later!

Merry Christmas...

Ah... I made it through Christmas and even got all of my shopping done! (I tried to post a pic off of facebook... its not working!) The shopping was easy since it was only a flat screen tv and a wii (and rock band, wii fit, and some other games)! It was the atmosphere that was difficult! Over the last few years, my grandmother had gotten to the point that she didn't 'believe' in all the hoopla of Christmas, so the hoopla wasn't effected by her being gone... just the atmosphere and the conversation! I ended up in a back room looking at pictures of times gone by! (I plan on going back over there tomorrow and scanning them into the computer before my uncles hi-jack em, so I'll post some later this week!) It helped to remember the good times with Grandma!

On a lighter note... if you have a wii and don't have rock band, you are seriously missing out! We got it for the kids, but Robert and I play on it waaayyy more than they do! I think the kids would like it better if it were Rock Band Disney... or Rock Band High School Musical! Maybe I'll suggest that! haha!

Anyway, I hope you all had a great holiday... I'm off to shop for an anniversary gift for my hubs... We have been married 13 years today! Who would've thought...

Update, Update, Update...

1. I still have a job! No changes for me or anyone else as far as I know!
2. My tonsils looked like gold balls on Sunday... got a shot Monday... the left one hasn't gone down at all... can you say tonsillectomy?
3. My niece Alyssa spent the last few days with us... holy cow I am tired! Special needs children require a lot... and sleep for the care giver seems to be optional!
4. Robert just bought Kali a 22 rifle... pink of course for her birthday! I'm guessing she is going to like it more than the DS she is getting!
5. I haven't bought any presents at all and it's how long til Christmas????

2 days...

This time last year I was told that instead of being full-time I would be 3/4 time at MCM. All that really meant was that I would have one less class to teach and about 8000$ less a year. According to our contracts, they have to tell us before the end of the semester (which is tomorrow, I guess) if anything is going to change! So... be praying I don't get the dreaded phone call asking me to come into the office! My stomach hurts just thinking about it! UGH!

Most Wonderful Time of the Semester....

As I typed my title, I was seriously singing! You know... its the most wonderful time of the year... it's the hap-happiest time of the year!

This week is final exam week! Yippee! Although I am sad to be saying goodbye to my students (well, some of them), I am ready to post the grades and be done. By ready, I only mean psychologically and emotionally, as I have stacks and stacks of grades to post!

The problem with these stacks and stacks of grading to post is that I am sitting in my house, in my pj's, about to read a book (can you guess which one?) and am not planning on going into the office! Hmmmmm....... grading make take longer than I thought!

Addiction...

Hi! My name is Jessica and I have an addiction... It all started quite innocently with a reading of the book before I went to see the movie...

And then I bought book 2... And book three...

And book four...

I read all of the books (and half of the next one online) in a matter of 5 days! I did not clean, cook, or even supervise my children much (mind you, they are pretty self-sufficient). What's worse is that I even passed my addiction on to several of my friends! (Sorry Katie!) I have gone to see the movie twice and am planning on a third trip tonight! I think I have a problem my friends... hahaha!

Ok, I'm only partially kidding... although my husband might disagree... I am a huge fan of this series... it takes little brain cells to read, and makes for a nice escape from reality........

Movies and More

My speech classes are watching Sweet Home Alabama this week... we are analyzing the interpersonal relationships and conflict skills of the characters... (can I say how much I loooovvveeee this class)... Anyway, I always forget how much I love the movie until I see it again! So many lines worth remembering...

On a side note... basketball starts tonight!!!! YIPPEE!!! I mean ladies indian basketball at MCM, btw! The girls always do an awesome job and the games are a lot of fun! Kali even gets to wear her little cheerleading outfit! ha!

That's all I have... ha!

I HATE SNOT! Sorry, snot seems to be surrounding me currently and I'm a little grossed out. I have 100 students... all sniffin' and coughin'. I have two kids who are blowing their noses and showing me. And... my own head is full of the nasty stuff! So....again... in case you forgot... I HATE SNOT!!!!!

Be careful what you ask!

I started the 'Abiding in Him' bible study at church last night and there is daily homework, so I prayed before I went to bed last night that God would help me get out of bed this morning in enough time to get my study done.... at 6:39am my cat (who had been meowing for a while) crawled in between Robert and I and peed in my bed! I was up after that and headed for my bible study!

The lesson for today... be careful what you pray for... you don't know how God will fulfill your request!

Weekend update...

Who knows how blogger will post these pictures, but they are from the weekend! The first pic is from church tonight. Kali and our music minister (her piano teacher) played a duet of "Jesus Loves Me" during the offering tonight! It was soooo cute and she did a great job! She was sooooo nervous, but she was very excited about getting to do it!


On Friday night I went with my friend Katie to play bingo! I've wanted to go for a loooonnnggg time, but couldn't find anyone to go with me! Katie was all about it! We totally lost, but we had a good time! Notice all the snack food we brought with us... and the free candles that the bingo hall gave us... good luck candles! Ha!

I had some pics of us posted with out dobbers in hand... but close ups are never pretty! ha! Anyway, I hope everyone has a great week!

Memories...

This post is a little random... it is the notable moments from the last couple of days.... things I think that are imp't to me...


I will post pictures tomorrow of the flowers at the funeral! My grandma had severe allergies to everything, but the most difficult allergy for her was the allergy to flowers! She loved to drive down the road and look at the wildflowers bloom, but she could never pick a bouquet and bring them into the house. With that thought in mind, my mom and her siblings picked the brightest flowers for the casket and I did the same when I ordered the flowers from the grandkids and great-grandkids! People I didn't even know that well sent flowers... and all of them vibrant! When mom ordered the casket piece the guy at the flower shop keep discouraging her... I guess bright isn't in for funerals! I think he finally understood though, because the flowers were gorgeous!


My mom finally told me the story of the night that grandma passed.... the chaplain and all of the kids had gathered around her to pray and the chaplain told her that she could go... and within 60 seconds she was gone.... and when she went there was an immediate look of peace upon her face... in my head, the only thing that makes sense is that the gates of heaven opened up and her Lord was waiting with his hand outstretched...

And my final tidbit, the 'fun part' of any funeral (if there can be a fun part) is hearing the stories of the family... I heard wonderful stories today about my dear grandmother! Stories of struggles and pain, stories that had me rollin' in the floor, and most of all stories of grandma's faith in her Lord. Every person I spoke to had a story of how gma had effected their life in some way! She was indeed an amazing woman!

Keep my gpa in your prayers... they were married for 56 years... that's a lifetime... and every time I think about how gpa is going to survive without gma I cry again! I mean, can you imagine???? A lifetime with a person and then one day they are gone... who's going to cook his eggs? who's going to watch the rodeo with him? who's he going to talk to about the birds and the flowers? Ugh.... here go the tears again....

The pain of loss...

It is with tears streaming that I post this post. Last night, my grandma passed away. As much as I would like to say it was unexpected... I guess it wasn't really! When Gma went to Lubbock 3 weeks ago, the dr's told her that if she didn't have open heart surgery she would be dead in 3 weeks. Well... she had the surgery... it has been 3 weeks... and she is now dead. Hmmm... it would seem to me that the dr was right and God was ready to have His child home. I can only imagine Gma walking the streets of gold right now worshiping her Lord and running into family who have gone before her. And honestly, at least I have that security... at least I have that comfort... my Gma has gone to a place and I know that I will see her again someday....

I survived!

Well, I survived the weekend! Homecoming was fun and the girls got to spend lots of time at TP village! I learned how to set up a TP (did I mention it is HARD), and I learned that I can survive on 4 hrs sleep still! I watched bonfires and cookouts and I prayed the entire time that no one would get hurt while setting their own campfires! I watched students make complete idiots of themselves and prayed they didn't get caught! I cheered for a fb team that just can't seem to win, and watched my students leave the field with their heads down. I took down a TP (25 ft poles are quite difficult to manuever) and put it away for next year. It was a lot of fun, but I am pretty sure I have not been soooo tired in a long time! The weekend made me realize that I am not as young as I used to be! HA! Oh well... I have pictures, but those will have to wait for another day!

It's Friday!!!!

It's 8:27 and my children and I are all in our pj's watchin' tv! I am off today and my children are taking a "mental health day!" We all need one occasionally, right? Our plans for today include TP village, High School Musical 3 and flu shots! Yippee!

The girls LOOOOVVVVEEEE TP village and since my students are all running the TP's, the girls get to run around in and out of the TP's. Last night, they helped start fires (let's just say the mommy me was stressing out a little) and got to be up close and personal when my AYA girls put up their TP. (Putting up a TP is WAAAAYYYY more difficult than I would've thought! Those poles are HEAVY and everything has to be just so!)

Anyway, the TPs will be up today and tomorrow if you care to stop in for a little visit! =) Now... off to shower and start our day of playin hookie!

I SURVIVED MONDAY!

Well, I survived Monday! And tonight, I rewarded myself with a little GNO at the paint your own pottery place! I painted a cross and a pencil holder... I'll post a pic next week! Tomorrow I get to sleep late... I'm soooooo excited.... Kali has reached that 'need to go to the dr place' and the only appt was for 9:30 am. That means that I get to sleep til like 8am in the morn! Yippeee!!!! You know, it is the little things in life sometimes...

Catching up...

The only image I can think of to describe my current life is the cat my brother threw in the pool when we were kids... it was soaking wet and doing everything that it could to keep it's head up! Pretty image, huh? I could go on... like when I tried to help the cat it clawed my arm and made me cry.... etc.

I should probably never post on Mondays... Mondays are my busiest day. I hit the ground runnin' in the morning and I literally don't stop until 11pm tonight. By 11pm, I will have been at home for all of 30 min today and only seen my kids when I got them up from bed and when I ran home between babysitters. On Mondays, I teach 4 classes and see about 100 students! This morning, I found myself singing "I hate Mondays" to the tune of "I want Candy" as I pulled into Sonic for my breakfast burrito and diet coke! Maybe I'll create the rest of the song as the semester goes along! ha! Monday's are soooo bad that when Kali woke up with lime green snot this morning, I told her she wasn't allowed to be sick on Monday... she had to wait until Tuesday because neither her father or I could take her to see the dr today! Now, isn't that awful?? (She wasn't really sick enough for the dr, yet.... otherwise I would have done the good mommy thing and stayed home!)

In lite of all I just wrote, I am going to try to come up with some positives from my day thus far...
1. They turned off the air in my building and my office is no longer 50 degrees.
2. I got to teach my fave essay in Engl today... "I want a wife"
3. When Monday is over Tuesday starts and I get to go to my fave Bible Study over Ephesians with my preacher's wife.
4. Only 6 more hours until my day is done....

Children...

My mind is swirling with the many things I would like to say, but I'm have quite the time focusing in on one theme... another words, sorry if this lacks focus!

Our weekend was packed full of birthday activities, football games and a trip to the minor emerg clinic. Long story short, there was an altercation at my house with Kali running full force into Megan to 'shove' her out of the way and Megan not budging. (This is where I point out that Megan's hands did not touch Kali in any way and Megs wants everyone to know this!) Kali hit the ground with quite a force, landing on her wrist. She had a cup in her hand that she was trying not to spill, so she landed 'funny.' She cried, the wrist swelled, the dr said go to minor emerg. So... we did. The wrist was not broken, just a bad sprain, but let me tell you how much fun a 7 yr old is when their hand is sweating under a wrap... ugh! Needless to say I am a little annoyed about it all, thus the trip to the alter yesterday...

I realize that children fight. I fought with my brothers. My friend's kids fight with each other. My students tell me stories of still fighting with their siblings. BUTTTTTTT, that doesn't make it right. I have tried to explain the importance of being nice to each other and how one day they will love each other, but IT'S NOT WORKING. To make matters worse, Megs weighs exactly twice as much as Kali, so if I were to let them fight it out, I imagine Megs would crush Kali. Their expressive capabilities are not helping the matter either. Megs is really good at putting words together... in fact, she is quite proficient at saying things that she knows will upset Kali. She is also good at just standing still in such a way that she can't actually be blamed for hurting Kali. Kali, on the other hand, is not so good with words and never has been. When she is angry, her first instinct is to pound on her sister. So... how am I supposed to handle this??? What happens next time Kali takes a running lead and her sister just STANDS THERE and Kali breaks something??? Who should be in trouble??? Megan for standing in front of the car so Kali couldn't get in seat? Kali for shoving her sister? Megan for bucking up and causing Kali to fall????

AUUUGGGHHHH... calgon take me away! I am praying for wisdom and attempting to see if there are behaviors within the house that I need to be more aware of, but I am pretty much at my wits end with it all. Can I just send them to their room everyday and not deal with it????

Meg-Pie

This morning, at 7:29 to be exact, Megan Renee' turned 11 yrs old! 11 Years Old!! Holy cow! I'm not sure I can handle this! Before my eyes, she is changing from the little girl that played in the dirt and thought boys were smelly into a young lady who cares what she wears, spends entirely too much time in the bathroom, and thinks boys with lots of hair are cute. (Dont' tell her daddy!)

I have sat here for quite a time trying to come up with words to describe her, but it is quite difficult. She is just like every other child in the world that hates to clean, doesn't like her sister, and has begun to role her eyes! But she is soooo different than most in that she cares... truly cares... about other people and making sure everyone feels welcome. She is very much a rule follower and worries about those who aren't following the rules. She loves the Lord and wants everyone around her to do the same!

Ok... compt is dying.... will try to think of more later...

Home sweet home...

Ok, I am exhausted, but I am home. Grandma's surgery was yesterday morning and she did wonderfully. We all prayed over her before her surgery (even the dr's and nurses). The surgery took about 3 hrs, and the dr's were amazed that she did so well. Her color was good after the surgery, but there is nothing fun about watching your grandmother on a ventilator. I was set to come home yesterday after the surgery, but I got lost on the way home and decided to just turn around and stay the night... I'm glad I did stay, though, because this morning Gma was sitting in her chair eating her breakfast when we got to the hospital. She had tubes and wires everywhere, but she looked good and was talking again. The prognosis looks good, but prayers are still asked for, because anything could happen at this point.

A few observations from this weekend:
1. My family (my uncles specifically) really is/are crazy and you should never talk about politics when sitting in the waiting room.
2. Sitting in the room with your biological mom and your adopted mom can be quite awkward at times.
3. Lubbock is the WORST town for directionally challenged people. I have never gotten lost so much in my entire life!
4. If I ever need heart surgery I am going to the Lubbock Heart Hospital... that place was AWESOME! (Well, except for the fact that there was no Internet access!)
5. I am dropping SPANISH class tomorrow, because of the previously mentioned lack of Internet and the fact that I am language acquisition retarded!

Update...

They postponed my grandmas surgery until Saturday because she crashed twice yesterday after her angiogram. She was upbeat today and I enjoyed spending today with her. I am off to eat dinner and do a little shopping (what is a trip out of town without a little shopping???). The surgery is scheduled for 7am... so keep the prayers going!

PRAYERS, PRAYERS, PRAYERS

I type this blog as tears stream down my face... my grandmother is having open heart surgery tomorrow... Thursday... in Lubbock. I am driving down in the morning with my dad. My grandmother is convinced she is going to die on the table, so please keep her and my family in your prayers. Grandma isn't that old as far as grandma's go, but her health isn't at it's best. The surgeon doesn't seemed worried, just grandma. Anyway, she has said her goodbyes 'just in case' and there have been lots of tears! I've been stressed out just because I didn't think I had the time to drive to Lubbock on a Thursday, but really, what option do I have? I mean, what kind of granddaughter would I be if I stayed home instead of seeing her off into the operating room? Anyway, keep all of us in your prayers... I'm not ready to lose my grandma and my mom isn't ready to loose her mom! Pray that grandma survives the double bypass and valve replacement and heals quickly (she's also a very whiny patient)!

Anyway... I'll let you know how it goes!

Busy, busy, busy...

As I'm sure you can probably tell from my last post, life has been a little crazy lately. The transition from summer to fall is always difficult, but this semester just seems to be a little worse than normal. I've tried to put my finger on it, but I can't quite place the difference, and frankly, it might just be a combination of it all.

To top off the busyness of the week, I now have the busyness of the weekend to look forward to! I am sooo not complaining about this, because I LOVE MY FOOTBALL PLAYERS... but it is difficult to go cheer for a team, when they aren't exactly a winning team. I want my boys to have the satisfaction of winning, so that they are not so frustrated during the week! (And by my boys, I hope you know I mean my college students!) I have been at MCM for 3 years, and at the pep rally yesterday, I realized that 4 of the 5 team captains are my previous students! Over 3/4 of the team are students that I have either had in class, know because they are friends of students, or students that I currently have in my class. Anyway, I want to spend my Saturday at the field cheering on my boys.... but it's difficult to come home and see all the laundry that needs to be done etc and not feel a little guilty about spending my day at the field. But... I will soooooo go cheer em on, because the benefit it does for them and the appreciation they show is way more than the appreciation I will get from my family when they have clean socks!

Anyway, keep Robert in your prayers. He's a little overwhelmed with work and school right now. He is taking calculus, statistics, government, and Spanish! Although individually the classes are difficult for him, all together with his other responsibilities, I think he's going a little batty!

Sexual Harrassment Training...

I am currently sitting in sexual harassment training... the guy is quite interesting, but he has yet to say anything that I would actually thought about doing??? And frankly, I have TONS of stuff to do, so I really could care less about what he has to say! I mean, seriously.... I need to grade papers and plan a lesson for class in an hour! AUGH>>>>

I'm tired...

Ok, this is going to be one of those posts... you know, the ones you don't want to post but you know you will feel better if your friends tell you they love you???

Ok, here goes! I'M TIRED! I'm tired of friends who are too busy. I'm tired of husbands that won't mow the yard. I'm tired of children who refuse to participate in the daily care of the household. I'm tired of messy/cluttered houses and laundry that needs to be done. I'm tired of worrying about money. I'm tired of not having clothes because of weight loss, and not having the money to go buy new ones. I'm tired of my office feeling like the meat freezer at the grocery store. I'm tired of unmotivated students. I'm tired of husbands who are stressed about school and are taking it out on me. I'm tired of rude people and people you can't trust. I think I could go on all day, but the one tired that probably sticks out the most to me is that I'm tired of always screwing things up no matter how much I am trying not to and am quite thankful that my God is a graceful God... otherwise, there is nooooo way that I survive.

On that note... I think I'm going to pick my children up from school and lay on the couch for an hour with my eyes closed and a blanket over my head. Maybe if they don't see me they will forget I'm there????

Ok... so I came home to hide away under my covers and feel sorry for myself, and in the mailbox was a flyer from Women of Faith. I looked through it and put it on the bookshelf. I then looked down and saw the bible studies that I purchased while at the conference. I picked up the first one... "Resting in Him: I need to slow down but I can't!" Since reading a Bible study requires no movement, I picked it up along with my Bible and plopped down to rest. Here are a little of what touched my soul...

47% of people say they are concerned with the level of stress in their life

Sometime the stress of life can manifest itself in our attitudes and responses to daily life. (ouch)
God desires to restore you. Your level of exhaustion and need for rest will never match God's desire to give you rest.

Mark 1:21-34 In this passage, Jesus taught crowds, cast out demons, went for a home visit w/some healing, went back to town and cast out more demons and performed more healing acts.

Mark 1:35 says that Jesus went to a quiet place and prayed.

I guess the point of it all is that even Jesus had a lot on His plate and instead of taking it out on the world around Him (like we so often do) He went to a solitary place and was alone with God in prayer. Hmmm.... sounds like a good idea, huh? Amazing how instead of calling out to the Lord in prayer I just simply get frustrated and want to crawl under a rock. This definitely gave me something to think about. I'm still not going to do the dishes or mop the floor, but perhaps it influence the words that come out of my mouth this evening.

My day in pictures...

So I think I figured out where all the dove go when it is dove season... they come into town to eat people's cat food! This morning, while I was attempting to get dressed, I kept hearing weird noises in the back yard. I look out the window to see a covey of dove chowing on wet cat food...



This is our newest addition to the family. His name is Chocolate... but my Spanish instructor is the one who gave him to us and his family referred to him as "Choco" (done with a Spanish accent)!
He is in serious need of a make-over, but I can't find anyone who can get him in NOW! ha! Boy dogs do not need pony-tails! Boy dogs in families where life is crazy especially do not need pony-tails! I cannot fix my hair, the girls hair, and the dogs hair everyday! ha!


ANd seriously I am about sick of the rain! I know I should be thankful that it is raining... but COME ON! I can only take soooo much! Between the mud and the dogs who might drown in the puddles my carpet needs to be cleaned... my students smell (you know, that wet dog smell boys often get).... and my runny nose won't go away! AUGH! I wouldn't mind the rain if it could come in spurts... rain every Monday for example, but no! our forecast shows the rest of the week of rain! I guess I can't really do anything about this though... so I might as well try to find some positives... um... I'll come back to that one!



O

Updates...

No, I haven't dropped off the edge of the planet, although I am feeling just a tad overwhelmed with life. The beginning of the semester is always a little crazy for me... this semester I am teaching 6 classes... 3 of which I have never taught before... and taking two! I'm not really sure what I was thinking when I said yes to all of this! AUGH! Oh well... I will survive... I always do!

I hope everyone is doing well... I'll post pics of the first day of school etc later!

Quote for the day...

Quote from "That 70's Show"... "The only thing smart about you is your mouth!" Modified quote from Rt "The only thing smarter than your brain is your mouth!" Hmmm... wonder who he was thinkin' about when he said that????

I leave at lunch on Friday to go to the Women of Faith conference in Ft. Worth/Dallas. My friend Amy and I are going with her sister's church. Keep us all in your prayers... I mean, 100 women on a charter bus driving to the metroplex... don't you feel sorry for the bus driver???? haha! I'll tell you all about it when I get back!

NKOTB...

Have you ever noticed that each generation seems to have certain musicians that people either loved or hated? In my mom's days it was Elvis and for her Neil Diamond. When I was in elementary school it was Michael Jackson and Madonna... and in jr high it was NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK! I've previously posted about NKOTB and my love for them, and I just found out that on Sept 2nd they are releasing a new album! YIPPEE! My kids are making fun of me, cuz I have been playing their old songs on the computer... wonder what they would think if I busted out the posters I have hidden in the garage! :) Anyway, the NKOTB tour has begun and they will be in Dallas on OCT 19th... and I am sooooo going! If you want to go with me, let me know, my plan is to buy tickets this week! ;)

Now off to WM to buy their greatest hits album!

Holy cow... what a day...

I figured I would post pictures of where we ended up after I could no longer handle the jump around place. Even the kids were toooooo hot to be there. It didn't help that Megs ripped out her earring and was having an emotional meltdown over the blood oozing from the hole that she has had all of 3 weeks. (Rest assured, we home cleaned them, and put the suckers back in...)

The pool was very relaxing and cool after the heat from the first venture of the day... and it would have been perfect except for the flying ants that were ALL OVER THE POOL! You could tell the manager wasn't there too, because the lifeguards/kids would get in, skim for about 3 seconds, hop out and call it good...meanwhile, my children were no so happy about the ants and even I was having a difficult time making myself want to hop in with the ants. I wish I had a picture of the suckers... they were scary looking. Bigger than fire ants, smaller than red ants, BIG WINGS! Anyway, we made it about 2 hrs and then we headed home.

These next pics are from my adventure this morning! We were taking my daughters friend home to Cleburne, as well as their refrigerator that we had borrowed when we moved into their house. I made it all the way up HWY 80 to I-20, pulled onto I-20, hadn't reached 45mph yet, and realized the fridge was FLYING THROUGH THE AIR! It hit the asphalt and went sliding towards the 18 wheeler that was behind me! Luckily, no one was injured and other than a few tires squealing, there were no accidents. A very nice good Samaritan stopped and helped me load the fridge back into the truck and I took it all back to Robert at work. So much for taking Charis back to her parents... the fridge was not that heavy when Robert and I loaded it this morning... pretty sure I did something to my back just now though... I have taken a muscle relaxer, anti-inflammatory, and am perched on the couch with a bag of frozen broccoli behind my back (the only frozen thing I could find to work)! Anyway, now I must find another fridge to give my friend to replace the one that had met it's demise!

All I can say is God is good, because it could have been soooo much worse, and holy cow! why does my life have to be soooo interesting?

The Jump Around...

Ok, I know I'm probably just being a very crabby parent, but seriously???!!! 7$ per kid??? I know that it is for all day (which really means 10-6, but we didn't even get there til 1:30), and I know it costs money to run the air etc, but I don't know how much of this I can take! For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, we are currently at The Jump Around and I am quite miserable! Again, maybe I'm just being crabby... and that wouldn't surprise me as I'm definitely having one of those days, but I think the screaming kids and the lack of air conditioning is a little more than I can take. When she told me the air conditioners were out I should've taken that as a clue and gone to the pool, but instead, I paid the 28$ so the kids wouldn't be disappointed, but I'm pretty much ready to go home! I'm all for blowing money on the kids, but I'd rather get something for myself out of it... as in a movie, some peace and quiet... you get the point! Not to mention that the OCD me can barely handle the thought of all the germs hanging out on all of the jumping castles! Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath....

Great Song!

I was determined to clean part of my house this morning, but then I got distracted by CMT (which is what I use for background noise for both me and the dog while I clean). Anyway, this video came on... and I had to stop it, rewind it, and record it... and then I had to find it online so I could share it with all of you...

Now, if only I could convince both of my daughters that she is right!


http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/--184511943

(Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to embed it... something about a tag being broken??????)

The week of early mornings...

Our church has a program called "His Kids" each summer where the kids work on a musical to perform at the end of the summer. They meet all summer one day a week and then for a week, right before the program, the meet daily from 8-3! I usually look forward to music camp, because it gives me a much needed break from parenting and I can get stuff done! This year, though, 8am is killing me! I would rather have the girls home all day bickering then have to get them up, dressed, with lunches packed, and to church by 8am! Well... maybe not bickering, but you get my point!

I'm trying to think positive thoughts about how this is practice for the beginning of school in a couple of weeks, but I just can't! I want to sleep late and I hate mornings! I keep hearing friends that are older than me talk about how they can't sleep late and go to bed earlier now... when is that going to happen to me? I mean, I don't remember ever having to wake my mother up to tell her we were going to be late... she was just always awake before me. Was it this hard for her to get up? What about you, friends, how are mornings in your house? Will I ever reach the point where I 'can't' sleep in? At what age does that exactly happen, cuz I'm pretty sure I've heard people my age who 'can't sleep in!' Does it just all of a sudden happen? Or will it come on gradually? ha! Ok, I think you get the point!

And although I've gone to bed at a decent hour each night, It's like I'm a walking zombie by 3. Today, it's even worse... Megs called at 11:20 to ask where her lunch was... I was supposed to be picking it up... OOPS! I completely forgot! That's not the only thing I have forgotten... and while individually it all appears to be little things, I'm sick of getting home and realizing I forgot things! Maybe I should take some ginseng or something... or wait, I have a better idea... I could just sleep til 8am and my brain would function better... ha! In my dreams...

Anyway, hope everyone is having a great day!

Benefit of a blog...

I decided this week that I really, really, really, needed to get my photos organized and catch up scrapbooking. Let me just say how much easier said than done that is. When cameras had film, I was very good at taking the pictures to be developed immediately and scrapbooking them. Now, I load them on my computer, where I can ignore them. I will say that my blog was quite helpful in all of this organizing! I was able to look through the years (wow, 2 1/2 years) and see when pictures were taken! It was kindof fun to see how much everyone has grown (or shrank in my case) in the last 2 years! And to see how God has brought us through some pretty difficult times! Amazing! Ok... I've procrastinated enough... time to keep organizing!

Messages from a Chocolate Wrapper...

I love speech time... I had a student give an informative speech on chocolate! She brought little baggies of dove chocolates and Hershey kisses for everyone! Yippee! (I got to take the extras home!) Anyway, this is what one of mine said!

If you can't read it... it says... "Smile. People will wonder what you've been up to!" Made me laugh!

My other piece said "Be mischievous. It feels good." Perhaps not such a good piece of advice, since it is something I struggle with already! Oh well, hope everyone is having a great day!

Sun overload...

I'm guessing no one felt the need to divulge their marital prayer habits... I understand, pray is personal! I'm definetly still working through some of that myself.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure we are all of sun overload at our house. Kali, Megan and I are all a little red in the face... probably time to take a pool break!

Have a great weekend! We don't have any big plans... just playing our new found past time Carcassonne.... which might I say is an AWESOME puzzle/strategy that has managed to take over every evening for my husband and I! It is a game that won board game of the year a couple of years back, and it originated in Germany. If you are ever looking for something to do, give us a call and you can come play this addicting game with us! :)

Seriously Satan...

One of many of the things that Robert and I struggle with in our marriage is praying together... or even talking about praying together. I mean, I pray daily (and often during the day), but I have no clue how often my husband prays or even what he prays about. The few times in our marriage that we tried to start and end our day with a prayer together, we slowly began to feel Satan attack... or at least I think that's what it was... it just seemed that each time we were doing what we needed to do all 'hell' broke loose in our life.

Anyway, over the last few months, I have personally grown in my walk and really tried to do the things that God is calling me to do... and one of those things is to bring prayer into my marriage. So, here is my question for you... how often do you pray with your husband? Do you do Bible Studies together? Do you wake up in the morning and pray, what about bed time? Or, do you just pray together for the 'big stuff'? Please be honest with me... if you don't pray together (and don't mind sharing), why not? If you do, how often?

Oh and I would just like to say how annoyed I am that my dear hubs has come home from work and is in quite the mood. Ah, the joys of the inpatient man... Looks like it's going to be a loooonnnnggggg evening!

It's a girl...

OK, wait, I'm not saying that I'm having a girl... that would be impossible! What I mean is that my girls have decided that they are girls. In the last couple of weeks they have each gone through some kind of transformation of types... Kali asks me to brush her hair and asks if her clothing matches... Megan has wanted to wear earrings and asks me if her clothing is fashionable... HOLY COW! Now, it's not that I don't want my kids to match or wear cute clothing, but do you know how expensive it can get when they actually care about their clothing??? To top things off, today they convinced me to take them to the mall for ear repiercings... Kali needed her first holes pierced and Megs wanted second holes. (Who knew those were still in fashion...)

Anyway, I'm sure Robert will be all kinds of excited when he gets home and realizes how much we spent on cute little earrings etc, but they are awfully excited! He should be way more concerned about the future school clothes shopping we need to do if they are both concerned about clothing...

Summer...

It just dawned on me the other day that we are on the downhill slide of summer... and it makes me a little sad. I've had a little bit of the green monster as I've read about all the great trips that my friends have taken with their kids and it's made me realize that this summer has been filled with a lot of unpacking, rearranging, bickering between children, the pool and that's about it! We haven't gone anywhere except Ft. Worth for a few hours to visit a friend at Cook's. In kid world, I've been told, this is the boringest (or to be grammatically correct most boring) summer ever! I had great ideas about things we could do this summer, but they never really materialized. Oh, well... 5 more weeks to get something accomplished! Perhaps the place to start is by getting out of bed before 10am...

Thanks for the prayers... and advice

Thanks for the feedback and prayers. I should probably start by saying that we have done many of the modifications that ya'll suggested and Kali simply needs more. In fact, she asked me last week if she is retarded, because she can't remember when we tell her to do something. She also has a reading issue that we can't seem to diagnose and by gaining control of the ADHD symptoms, I am hoping to figure out how to fix the reading issue. So drugs was kindof the last resort...

As for the other child... Megs... it's difficult to put into words all that she struggles with, but to name a few OCD, perfectionist, severe anxiety, emotional roller coaster... etc. etc. My guess is the emotional roller coaster comes from the pre-teen hormones flowing through her veins... as for the rest of it... God only knows. The dr gave her some suggestions as to how to handle some of the emotions she deals with and the people that she encounters... that's about it for now. He wants to watch her for a while longer to see what happens... another words... no meds, just continue to cope. I'm not sure how I feel about this as he doesn't have to watch her struggle daily through life. But, I think I will try to start some counseling with her and who knows, maybe with Kali under control I will have more energy to help MEgs. The most difficult part of this all is that she struggles with things that I don't even understand... and I'm seriously not sure how to deal with it!

Anyway, thanks for the prayers... I think I'm going to head to the pool... my way of coping with my crazy life!

On a lighter note... I hope this link works as the video cracked me up this morning... it is called THE DONT SONG... as in what husbands shouldn't do! Enjoy your friday laugh... if it works!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=17891468452

Prayer Requests

Ok ladies... I need some serious prayers for my children. We have an appt with the family dr on Thursday for each of them... Kali for ADHD and Megs for severe anxiety. I don't want to go to this appt... It took me 2 weeks to even make the appt... but I can't take it anymore... my house is a zoo and every time I turn around there is someone having an emotional breakdown.

I'm feeling quite guilty for not medicating Kali during the school year right now, as I frankly don't know how her teacher dealt with her. The kid has no impulse control, excessive amounts of energy, and can't even sit through a hannah episode, oh and I can't forget that she looks at me like I'm speaking Chinese every time I tell her to do something. Previously, my dr suggested behavior modifications and lowering my standards, and just seeing how she did in 2nd grade. Well... she isn't going to make it to second grade at this rate and I really don't think it is fair to set a child up for failure like this! There are a lot of behaviors that people have pointed out to me that she does, that I hadn't even noticed... like she can't actually sit on her bottom through a meal, she stands most of the time while she eats or sits on her knees, bottom, feet, stands, knees, bottom, feet... you get the picture... apparently, she is always moving in some manner too... not that I didn't notice it myself, I just thought she did it more in my presence! Anyway, there are many more symptoms of ADHD that she has, but I'd be here all freakin' day! :)

Megs is an entirely different ballgame. She was treated for anxiety in kindergarten, but over time we were able to wean off of the medication. I guess the pre-teen hormones that are flowing through her veins are causing her ability to cope to decrease, cuz let me tell you about the summer we are having! Several friends have told me of panic/anxiety attacks that she has had when I wasn't around... and they know because their children have told them. How crappy is it when other 10 yr olds don't want to play with your kid because they know there is anxiety? Things that should be easy for Megs aren't, so how is she supposed to cope with the hard things? She won't ask for ketchup at MCD's, she won't talk to a friend at the pool if they are there with someone else, she calls me after 30 min at home with her sister to ask when I'm coming home! UGH! All of these things individually wouldn't be that big of a deal, but together and happening daily is not so fun or healthy for a 10 yr old child. What's she going to do when she starts 5th grade and realizes she has 4 teachers... or 6th and has 8 teachers???? Holy cow... she will seriously freak! She can't even handle being asked to move to another chair at choir practice... totally freaked her out for 2 hrs even though the director specifically told her she wasn't in trouble! Sunday at lunch she apparently freaked out because her food was touching... and I didn't even see it... if I had, I probably would have told her to get over it... Oh my... as you can probably 'hear' in my post, I'm not exactly the most patient when it come to this stuff...

Anyway, as you can see we are dealing with a lot here. I don't so much mind the 'stigma' of Kali and her ADHD... or at least it is something I can handle. What I don't want is the 'stigma' of an anxiety disorder or OCD for Megs... that is not ok for a 10 yr old and I honestly think my dr is going to tell me I'm a loon. At least I do have past medical history to go off of, and if you've met my husband you know there is quite a bit of genetic issue there too... oh and did I mention my own prescriptions for some of this? FUN, Fun... isn't parenting grand?????

Updates (I use that title alot, huh?)

Karena came home safe and sound last night... PRAISE GOD! She was speaking and moving like normal, but the final MRI showed a few abnormalities. The hope is she won't require any physical or speech therapy, but she seems to get overwhelmed and overstimulated quite easily! Keep praying she continues to improve!

My children are DRIVING ME CRAZY! They cannot seem to keep their hands off each other. Yesterday, Kali punched Megs, today Megs scratched and pinched Kali! They both ended up with a red hiney, but seriously now... QUIT IT~! I thought summer was supposed to be fun! Holy cow! If you know some magical solution for this let me know... as of right now all I can come up with is heading to the pool where at least their bickering is drowned out by the splashing! (hee hee... I made a funny... drowned... get it... sorry, bad joke!) Anyway, pray for this situation too! I don't know that I have it in me to handle another 8 wks!

JW

Prayers... prayers... prayers...

Sorry I haven't been around this week... life has been a tad crazy! Kali's buddy Karena was admitted to Hendrick Hospital on Wednesday and care flighted to Cook's on Thursday. Keep her family in your prayers... she had strep last Sunday and Tuesday night was very disoriented. Her parents (Kayla and Shane) took her to see Dr. Wylie on Wednesday morning and he admitted her immediately. By the middle of the afternoon she was completely unresponsive and we were all quite scared. They did many tests and labeled it encephalitis and sent her off to Cook's. At Cook's they have agreed that it is encephalitis, but cannot find the cause. As of right now, they suspect the strep virus went array and caused the inflammation in her brain. Because the swelling in her brain was in her frontal lobe, she has been silent since Wednesday. (This is not normal for Karena!) Friday was the first day that she opened her eyes and seemed alert... Today she said a few words. A friend and I are going up tomorrow as it is killing us to sit here and wait, but please keep everyone in your prayers. The dr's told Shane that they felt like they could be looking at a 2 wk stay at Cook's!

On a side note, we have learned much about encephalitis and I would just like to encourage all of you to be quite careful when playing with kittens/cats that you don't know or swimming in a lake as both of these are carriers of viruses that cause encephalitis. In fact, kittens carry the herpes virus and a single scratch can cause all of what Karena has experienced this week! The lake/pond/river can carry ameba's that cause encephalitis! EWW! I'm trying not to be completely grossed out, but it is difficult when you see your child's best buddy almost comatose in the hospital bed.

Another side note... Karena is the first child that I have met that can keep up with Kali and has never complained that Kali was too rough... Kali and Karena both attack life in full force and can often be found rolling around in the floor wrestling with each other... this is part of what has been so difficult for everyone on the sidelines... the child that is never still or quiet cannot move or talk. I'm hoping that when Kali walks into the room tomorrow there is a different Karena laying there... the one who tries to jump right out of the bed and attack her! :)

Anyway, thanks for the prayers...